Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML
Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
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Top comments
MtnDew32 0
A tick on your dick? Ew, that's sick.
IceeCreamm 7
wow maybe having a bigger penis is not that bad?
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Comments (505)
swittig 0
Giggity giggity dick tick giggity
xInMyDreams 0
hahahaha
Chinnithy 0
It probably was a tick that looked like Quagmire.
fisherb140 0
lol what were you doing? outside sex??
crzy4life 0
I know that's wat I was thinking about
jobsman99 0
how do you know the tic was a male? maybe it was a female trying to give you head?
alzaabi93 3
nice one
StrangerDangerr 0
she must have been doing it all wrong. On the other hand she did make it bigger
ConradDavid 1
well she did give him her head... lol
Bathory_fml 0
A tick is a creature. A tic is an action that people do compulsively, usually beyond their control. People with Tourette's Syndrome have tics, which can range from a motion to a verbal expression - although most people think it's a disease that makes you blurt out curse words.
marinaim 17
A tic? Gosh that SUCKS. hahaha. See what I did there? ;D
adamj0830 1
nice
ShadowSnipe 0
25 - when you say see what I did there? it kinda ruins it...
kewlkate 9
bawahahaha. FAIL
iizcalebhearmero 0
67, its because in her context, 'sucks' can mean both that it is bad and that the tick sucks blood. It's a pun!
xXshadowrollerXx 6
263 - I'm pretty sure 67 and the rest of us all understood the "joke". The thing is, and I hate to ruin it for you.. it wasn't funny.
zembof 3
makes it better 1/2 the time actually
McMan 23
Johnny was a brave soldier.
Doortje 30
You ONE the battle? :/
xxdeatheater2672 0
#24 they probably get the curse word blurting from lord turrets on dick figures. its a very short but very funny show.
McMan 23
I like how you questioned the spelling of tick but not the fact that won was spelt as "one".
sebzinn 0
I'm pretty sure u won the battle and the war