Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I don't blame you. Spiders are terrifying.
AGhost5445 25
Your dad is a brave man.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (155)
yogima 6
You go girl! Keep those kittens safe! You are braver than I am. I would've fainted already.
AH1Zviper 15
Your local gun store should be able to help with your problem.
jetsown08 21
Yeah, go about shooting your 9mm in your house looking for that damn spider. Sounds like a great idea.
BusinessTurtle 8
9mm? No, that's a horrible idea, you numbskull. In this case, I'd recommend a mini-gun, a flamethrower or a through artillery bombardment of the house.
Glidefedt 6
Thats why I like living in Denmark, no poisonous spiders, no venomous snakes, our most dangerous animal is a tick.
Chelsea_bella 20
Denmark sounds boring.
KiddNYC1O 22
I know right, their crime rate is the lowest! Safest place to be.
noncom 12
#62 No, Switzerland has the lowest crime rate. Liechtenstein actually does if you count it as a country instead of a principality.
Daesh_fml 9
Two words, Lyme disease... that is all
Disobey_fml 13
If you tell him you will do the chores for a Month or so he'll probably help you.
furbyface711 9
Your dad should be careful. A classmate of mine is missing a chunk of his forearm because he was but by a brown recluse and it was the only way he would live.
oomph_fml 25
An exterminator definitely sounds like your safest bet. Or maybe just go insane with the fly spray so you can relax a bit for the time being.
koolaide95 1
My dog was killed by a brown recluse spider. It was really depressing.
KiddNYC1O 22
Maybe it just wants some candy and your soul. Like rbg.
skullofdarkness 18
You sure it's not hiding in your BOOT?!
KangasKid18 1
WRONG. The Brown Recluse spider does not live in Virginia. It was probably the harmless Southeastern House Spider, which is incredibly common in Virginia.
KiddNYC1O 22
There is such thing as migration. Stop relying on Wikipedia.
kmerritt10 6
Yeah you have to think more outside the box they aren't real common in Virginia but they have been seen there
vbmg152 19
Wrong! I've been bitten by one!
jynxpawzz 11
I've seen brown recluse spiders in Massachusetts and New York.