Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow barmaid asked how are we supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML
Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML
Today, while serving drinks at work to a group of people getting tipsy on wine, I joked about it being obvious who the designated driver was to the only gentleman who'd been religiously sticking to Coke all night. He coldly informed me that he was a recovering alcoholic. FML
Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML
Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
I'd rather be unattractive than a douche anyday
gotmilkido 10
Could mean it the totally opposite way .... She could be such a hottie that he means they guys believe they even have a shot with her or she will give them the time of day ..... Just saying ... On a positive note ;)
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Comments (96)
lenamartinovic 13
Ouch. I'm sorry, OP. ):
sonicgreg 12
I am too. The place would close down due to lack of customers and shed be out of a job.
Kn0wledge123 21
What a gigantic bitch...
PinkieKeen 20
And when they start hitting on the bar owner, that's when you know they're too drunk to even ******* see
Parris83 9
That's quite cruel! Sorry OP :(
fernclogger 5
Not to mention unprofessional
80skid 15
That was a dick move.
hotcaligirl 10
Holy shit this is hilarious!! If it's true- sorry OP. maybe he didn't mean it like that?
kiwienne 21
"When they start laughing at what I'm saying, they're too drunk to drive", is what fits. It wasn't funny, it was offensive. So many people don't know the difference between being a dick and being funny - if you're only capable of cracking a joke by saying bad stuff about others, you should really stop trying :/
streetriots 9
Lol.
Chaylbs_Draco 8
I just laughed so hard when I read this!!! At least you have something to gauge their sobriety.
Chaylbs_Draco 8
What's with all the thumb downs? You all know you laughed just as hard as I did when you read this...
LolFMLnot 10
Welcome to FML community. This is not facebook.
LiterOfCola 16
55: I was completely straight-faced as a read the FML. You don't know that!
andiewithlove 21
I also was straight faced. It appears the apocalypse of douchebags includes you.
TomPusslicker 21
This is something that would be really hilarious on tv..family guy or american dad in particular, but in real life this is something that just shouldnt be said. I sincerely hope other jobs are available for you in your area op.
Chaylbs_Draco 8
Such sensitivity on a site that is labeled Fmylife... Very sweet, so proud of all of you and your compassion ;)
nictransitglory 4
I've said this before, but FML used to be a funny site and turned into a pitty party. If you "keep it real" you get thumbed down. To get thumbs up you must say things like "everyone is beautiful", "that person is an insensitive jerk", and "you (stranger I never met) are a great person and contributor to society". 6, I thumbed you up and laughed as well because I am a real person and not a fake douchebag who likes to make others on the Internet think I live at the top of the high road.
dabeast15 7
U sir. Are an asshole!! ::::
LolFMLnot 10
73 you are an asshole, bringing someone's self esteem down is not funny. People suicide because of these things. Its called bullying
Chaylbs_Draco 8
What I did was not bullying.... I said I laughed at it, the situation itself is funny. I have worked in bars, people and co-workers can be dicks but most of the time it's just in fun.... And correction it's "commit suicide" if you are going to try to tell me off at least use a correct sentence structure. Besides isn't everyone calling me an asshole and a dbag also bullying????? Two wrings don't make a right, so keep playing your self righteous cards ;)
Chaylbs_Draco 8
*wrongs ;) I caught that
PinkieKeen 20
88 noone was ****** talking to you
Chaylbs_Draco 8
Um correction 94.... They were all talking to me. It was my comment... Sorry to break that to you ;)
xxrogerthatxx 19
I find it funny, **** everyone who thumbs down. Sensitive ass
zingline89 18
I'd rather be unattractive than a douche anyday
perdix 31
A lot of people are both.
jezmonster7 7
Aw don't let his jerk comments get you down OP :)
CettinaMarie 4
Sorry that your boss is so unprofessional, OP.
gotmilkido 10
Could mean it the totally opposite way .... She could be such a hottie that he means they guys believe they even have a shot with her or she will give them the time of day ..... Just saying ... On a positive note ;)
onlychildFTW 34
That's very possible. Ugly girls and extremely pretty girls are normally the loneliest. Not always but quite often.
Palirose 22
16- Im not really sure your comment is very true..Im not attractive myself and Im in a happy relationship. ._.
0ops_i_died 8
Well he did say not always.
agonydrum 7
I disagree it doesn't take that much booze to convince 90% of guys that they can score any woman they see
bonsaiboy26 1
Easy now thats def not true. Most men may want to score with 90% of the girls they see but they def don't believe they can. Your thinking about the tool category of men I believe. Op I'm sorry that was said about you, keep your head held high and be happy with yourself.
afropuffjake 9
Or the simple fact that it doesn't take much alcohol to end up over the limit OR for guys to stop being professional and go after bartenders...?
brihayes 7
21- "Not always but quite often"
agonydrum 7
31 alchohal gives people confidence, confidence encourages people to be bold, therefore encourages men to try to pick up women with the exception of guys who are afraid of them, 32 if I go to a bar why would I at any point try to act professional? That's dumb