Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
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Top comments
fizziwizzi 5
Don't kill it like that...chances are it will run away as spiders are very fast....Here is the best technique, imo (my sister has arachnophobia, and many people around me have varying degrees of it so I am the "spidercatcher"): You need : a glass (choose the size depending on the size of the spider), a postcard or thin piece of card. Method: take the glass and gently place over the spider. Take card, slide under glass without lifting the glass too high (so mister/miss/mrs spider doesn't escape), then lift the card and the glass at the same time & then a) throw it in the garden (my sister's preferred method as she says it's not the spider's fault she is scared of it) b) throw it down the loo . However, if like me you always have a slight fear of it climbing back up - I blame the incy wincy spider song for this lol - put some strong loo product like toilet duck or bleach to make sure...and ta da! no more evil spider.... Otherwise, find yourself a handy spidercatcher person like me who is always there to deal with them & tell them the technique!!!! Good luck!!!!
CitrusGirl 0
there's a difference between being afraid of spiders and aracnaphobia people. A phobia is a fear that is strong enough to prevent you from living a normal life
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Comments (95)
LOL_Noobs 0
LOL!
oogie_boggie 0
lol i know what you mean its happend to me..uhh 1...2..3...4...5...more than 29 times
SarahBearXoX 0
not lol at all. i am scanning my walls right now ):
Skroal_stomper 5
Spider gunna get you. He will wait until you are sleeping and bite you on your left nipple.
iSitt 0
spiders rid your home of the other insects there are many more inside the walls, attics, basement, air ducts. they come In and out as they please through chimneys cracks vents and door gaps
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Things like this really bug me.
JuliaM1000 10
Aaand lemme guess, you also spilled a diet coke in the process! :O Ohhh nooo (in gay startrek dude voice)
steelersjackson 0
how do you hit yourself in the face? that just tells you how much coordination you have. plus u fell. not to mention you still have a spider in your house somewhere. I hope u wake up and find it on ur chest. that would be funny.
KingDingALing 9
You're so stupid, OP... On a side note to the guy above me, that's a really ****** up thing to say.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
The itsy bitsy spider crawled up and made you shout! Down came the shoe and knocked the dummy out And the itsy bitsy spider ran the **** away! Shit op is arachnocidal!
blankaex 0
I thought the suffix "phobia" meant immense fear. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if OP really did have arachnophobia, she should not be trying to kill it, rather cry and cower in the corner. I wouldn't call it a phobia, just a stupid childish fear. YDI for being an idiot scared of something many hundred (maybe thousand) times smaller than you.
ImaCanuck 0
your stupid, it doesn't matter if it's smaller it's a phobia jackass.
blankaex 0
No need to be rude, I just thought wrongly. You can't truthfully say you haven't, so don't start acting all high and mighty just because you knew something I did not. And for all we know, I could be correct and you imcorrect.
blankaex 0
Also, before you call someone atupid, you must first prove that you aren't. Apparently, your inability to use punctuation and the correct "you're" agree with me here.
ShadyFTW1 0
15 and 55 LOL
starile 20
How the heck do you go and smack yourself so hard you fall backwards? Spiders don't take that much force to kill, OP. And work on your aim.
2kool4skoolyo 0
oh oh oh oh... BOOM HEADSHOT I WIN
itz_scrumdidly 0
Get a life Blankaex. By the way, before you go off being a grammar Nazi, you might want to spell "stupid" right next time.
zerobahamut03 2
Hide yo kids, hide you wife, because spider is gonna come get you!
KiddNYC1O 22
actually, I'm on the same page with 83... so, yeah.
ImaCanuck 0
how do you not know what a phobia is? don't they teach you anything in school and stop trying to be a grammar Nazi silly.
lissalove17 8
I actually agree with 83. I have 3 phobias, that send me into panic attacks and immense fear. My other fears (I am a bit of a chicken) are just fears. Phobias are much more intense.
foREVerA7X 0
it's a mental disorder. if you had one you would know that regardless what the object is(spiders, clowns, germs,etc) the person can't deal with it. A person without arachnaphobia would just squish it with a tissue or leave it be. But a person with it would want it dead right away and use anything at there disposal(usually something long)
you_freak 7
If you use punctuation as you argument against stupidity, the least you could do is spell correctly
No_habla_espanol 11
creepy
TechnoTaco 0
Lol, He's out there somewhere.. training... getting stronger.. plotting his vengance.. Watching you..
mangowow 1
It's NOT a phobia. I was just about to say that. A true phobic wouldn't be able to have the composure to kill a spider. They'd either run off near/in tears or faint. This happens a lot. People tends to dramatize their lives in order to sound more interesting. It's not a phobia. It's just a fear.
arandomballoon 0
it should be 'shit op is arachnocidally gay' ;P
mangowow 1
But a person with a real phobia wouldn't be able to handle the spider on their own. Like I said to another commenter: they'd either run out of there quick or faint. Take it from a psychology student who has taken more then a couple courses on Deviancy and Disorders: This person does NOT have a phobia of spiders if they're willing to go out and kill it.
blankaex 0
Didn't I just show I knew that a phobia is a fear? I was just POLITELY inquiring the, ah, greatness of the fear. And I'm not trying to be an annoying little grammar nazi, just showing someone the pre-resquisites of a baseless accusiation. And I know how to spell "stupid", it was a typo and it wouldn't post the fix. Just because it was misspelt doesn't mean I don't know how to spell it. Again with the groundless accusiations... I'm not trying to start an argument, just asking for an answer. Don't make such a big deal out of these things, jeez.
1personinthiswor 0
OP, that spider was blessed by the gods. Haha, that or you're a loser.
MauriceWinifred 0
Aww! something like that happened to me also ):
heyitsdiamond 5
my friend once had a spider make web on her face and crawl down her shirt and she has arachnaphobia
linarahmany 6
I just found a rolly polly in my BED!!!
rottentomatoes 7
*facepalm*
CrimsonWolf1294 0
*headdesk*
DocBastard 40
Um, *chairwall* ...since we're just shouting out random nouns.
ifyouseekamy666 0
*butterflyninja*
A_Khalifa 0
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
arandomboy 0
umm. *shoeface*
Mike1313 0
hey, u have a palringo right? I'm friends with jellybelle. add me! [email protected]
Metalman69 0
get a,flyswatter. please.
SkullCanddi 0
Right Now As You Read This You Are Within 1 Foot Of At Least 1 Spider. Have A Good Day(:
ZleveL 0
Jesus man I have aracnaphobia too you got me looking around now O.O
CitrusGirl 0
there's a difference between being afraid of spiders and aracnaphobia people. A phobia is a fear that is strong enough to prevent you from living a normal life
brennboo 3
Ahh is that really true? I'm freaking out now. Thanx :/
abbiepearson_ 9
Thanks a lot -.-
FFML_314 12
I am so disappointed in you OP. Next time, grab any type of can with some sort of liquid in it and start spraying the bastard. Once he's curled up, stomp his ass!
DocBastard 40
*done. Is grammar a part of the curriculum anymore?
turtlemansam 6
You just got PWND by a five year old
junkboy 4
LMFAO
DocBastard 40
turtle- The little girl is my daughter, and she's 3. But she would have corrected the grammar, too. Yes, I'm bringing her up to speak (and write) correctly. It doesn't make me a grammar Nazi, just a good father.
WYITO 0
Sorry if this comes across the wrong way but why would post a picture of your 3 year old daughter as your profile picture on the Internet? Once it's on the Internet it's gonna be difficult to ever get rid of it. There are some sick bastards in this world who feed off people who post pictures of their kids online.
LemonBlue 0
this will make you feel better... the average person swallows seven spiders while sleeping in their lifetime...
starile 20
Delicious!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
This will make *you* feel better... that's not true. It was made up as an example that people will believe anything they read online, no matter how ridiculous. Snope that shit!
Dippity 0
, because no one in the world sleeps with thier mouth open, and spiders don't have legs.
love6love 0
uhhh spiders do have legs.....
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Really, 144? You want to argue from that stance? OK, here we go... *deep breath* I did not say "No one in the history of the human race has ever swallowed a spider while sleeping," nor did I say "Such a thing is completely and totally inconceivable. I can guarantee, as a fact, that this will never happen to you." I said that particular "fact", that the /average/ person swallows /seven/ spiders while asleep during the course of a lifetime, isn't true. Who in his right mind would want to conduct such a study? How would he do it? Who would fund it? And FFS, WHY? What possible relevance could such a fact have to mankind? Even ignoring the implausibility of all of that, how could he account for the variables of climate, spider population, average lifespan, mouth size, housing and bedding types, sleep cycles, time spent passed out in prank-heavy frat houses, etc.? It's ridiculous to think any data could be reliable enough to be considered as truth without extensive, long-term scientific research, and I really don't see that happening. Do you?
melpo 0
oh thank god. facts ftw!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Lol, thanks and you're welcome, 162. I admit I overreacted a bit there, since I was STILL awake, in pain, and thus bitchy at the time. Glad it helped someone. ;]
LemonBlue 0
alright 173. I believe you. i was told that by an insane but now retired teacher of mine
vieeev 4
This is actually not true, spiders dont like dark and wet spaces so they wont go in your mouth ;)
hairdreser0nfire 0
this was stupid. how does one hit themself so hard that it causes them to fall backwards?
Rynow 7
a midget would
fizziwizzi 5
Don't kill it like that...chances are it will run away as spiders are very fast....Here is the best technique, imo (my sister has arachnophobia, and many people around me have varying degrees of it so I am the "spidercatcher"): You need : a glass (choose the size depending on the size of the spider), a postcard or thin piece of card. Method: take the glass and gently place over the spider. Take card, slide under glass without lifting the glass too high (so mister/miss/mrs spider doesn't escape), then lift the card and the glass at the same time & then a) throw it in the garden (my sister's preferred method as she says it's not the spider's fault she is scared of it) b) throw it down the loo . However, if like me you always have a slight fear of it climbing back up - I blame the incy wincy spider song for this lol - put some strong loo product like toilet duck or bleach to make sure...and ta da! no more evil spider.... Otherwise, find yourself a handy spidercatcher person like me who is always there to deal with them & tell them the technique!!!! Good luck!!!!
fizziwizzi 5
Thanks for the compliment!!!! It's always nice to be told you have the ability to make people laugh :-) As for the huge hairy spiders, I'm with you on that....that's why my favourite is to put them down the drain (and edit at this point, I see in US it's "itsy bitsy spider" so that's the song I was referring to) and put product down just to be sure.....You also seem to have the same fear I have with bees & wasps (revenge)....I'm always scared that if I squish one, it will send out a "signal" to the others & I'll get attacked by a swarm of angry vengeful bees/wasps...
WYITO 0
Haha Spidercatcher, nice! I use the glass/postcard technique too. Once I caught one in a plastic cup and went to put it outside. It was really dark and I shook the cup hoping to shake the spider out. I couldn't see to the bottom of the cup so I wasn't sure he/she had fallen out so I left the cup outside just incase. :) I don't want no cheeky spider clinging onto the cup and sneaking it's way back into the house. ^_^
aardvarkish 17
Hehe ... That's cool! hehe... Do it again... hehe!
FFML_314 12
*Looks around* I'm less than pleased! Come down from there, you giggling monkey!
FFML_314 12
No, but you are entirely flaccid. :/
FFML_314 12
It stung like a Chalcid Wasp!
FFML_314 12
I'm sorry. Hitting you over the head with this bat, was an ac-cid-ent. Although, I'm afraid my, homi-cid-al tendencies are showing. I'm in a state of pure lu-cid-ity.
FFML_314 12
That wasn't a repeat, asshole! Oh, was I supposed to use a word with "cid" in it. This is ridiculous! cid backwards! Muahahahaha *runs away with the gold*
FFML_314 12
Furthermore, I would like to indicate that I'm highly addicted to your dick. Dick meaning the store that you own, of course. I truly hope they have medicine for your ludicrous behavior.
aardvarkish 17
Oh dear....