Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML
Today, my fiancé changed his text message tone to a fart noise. He thinks it's hilarious and laughs every time he gets a text. He's 35 years-old. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML
Today, my kid was on an app that makes fart noises. After too many minutes of this, I wrestled the phone away. He then went on to make real farts. Stinky ones. Then, had the inevitable shart, along with hysterical laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, while doing my boyfriend's laundry, I noticed that every single pair of his boxers had a poop smear in them. He's almost 30. FML
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Top comments
mamamiaaa_fml 12
tell him to make it say "duty"
elrusso 0
I'm not sure if me laughing at this FML is a good or a bad sign!
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Comments (140)
mamamiaaa_fml 12
tell him to make it say "duty"
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
I love that guy! once I made him keep saying my name as I masturbated. best 2 minutes if my life.
Timmo_fml 2
It's much better to ********** to the woman's voice. So I've heard anyway...!
hannah1203 2
Try making Microsoft Sam say "lalalalala nipples" in Algebra class...while the teacher is in the room.
AceArctic 4
I started trying to bring back the trend of Steven Hawking sex to my generation via Microsoft Sam. "Ooh oh ya, don't stop, ahh, etc"
RedPillSucks 33
My wifes nephews kept telling me they got "Call of duty", but all I could understand was calla doody. Me: You got what? him: I got calla doody. Me: That's awful. Were you able to clean it up? him: what? Me: The doody? him: I'm gonna play with it. Me: eeewww!
LaylaXstripped 0
that is too funny
kaein11 0
74- Thanks for making me laugh you jerk >:( people are trying to sleep!
blinkingstarlet 15
LMFAO #74 im not supposed to be online at work lol. fail. funny story tho!
2muchshyt 0
get a sense of humor. and f your boyfriends life for not maturing since 7th grade
5t3ff1k4h 45
See, here's the problem. Slightly funny as it may be, OP's boyfriend has the maturity of a doorknob... OP is annoyed with this fact; she's more annoyed than amused. Therefore, the annoyance well cancels out the amusement which is why it's stupid to tell her to get a sense of humour.
sourgirl101 29
Steff, I hope you're not annoyed that I'm amused by your comment.(: Btw, every time I read your comments, I always wonder if you have finally tried tiramisu?
5t3ff1k4h 45
I actually haven't tried it yet. :/ I kind of want to, just to say I have. No worries; I'm glad someone else is amused with my comments. :)
Rawket_Lawnchair 0
I wish both of you would try Shotgun Mouthwash. Alternatively, you could just learn to enjoy life and laugh at the stupid things.
5t3ff1k4h 45
89 - Oh, good. So now I know laughing at you is the right thing to do.
elrusso 0
I'm not sure if me laughing at this FML is a good or a bad sign!
savvy_suzy 0
I laughed as well. In the right frame of mind this really is funny. Bottom.
jwade1236 0
funny, did you laugh?
dancelove09 3
Haha I kinda laughed too, ur not the only one dw.
goodiesguy 3
He's gotta good sense of humor
babyjaguar96 0
yea I know! that sounds like something I would do.
shitusernames 0
I don't see whats wrong with that
unfortunate_13 5
me neither, i would probably laugh too, and i'm also 25.
zazooftanzania 4
i agree but i do see wuts wrong with a facebook pic for ur FML account
Amgnowai 0
It's Batman!
IntoTheClouds 42
I don't see the big deal. At least he wasn't having sex with another woman.
foreverspellman 0
Its pretty bad actually. I'm sure that's how 5 started out, and now look at him... going home with excitement in his eyes, ready to slide in that soft computer chair... not to look at ****, no that's too much... but rather to be taken aback hearing a fake mans voice say his name over and over and over as he wanks... until his gf gets home. "Honey, wyd?" .... "NOTHING! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"
W4X 0
5 had sarcasm you ******* imbasol. He's joking around.
anorexicbarbie 8
37 What's an imbasol? Is that some sort of spray?
TheNewGuy03 29
@ 37: you have two choices: "imbecile" or "anbesol." we can always go 50/50 here and just make a portmanteau of the two; the problem is, what would it mean? i suppose the lesson here is that stupidity makes your teeth feel all numb. |the kid|
RedPillSucks 33
There would be other things numb if you're ******* anbesol....
TheNewGuy03 29
hmm, that is true. i could take an educated guess as to what it may be, but it should be fairly obvious. then again, i wouldn't see the point of ******* it -- it's not like you'd really feel anything. |the kid|
blinkingstarlet 15
72 LMFAO!!! love it
newzealand 28
What a good **** haha
matt692009 0
I guessed u wer kiwi jus from ur comment, didn't even hav to read your name
AlexWolfx 0
You have no fun. Everyone does that. F his L for having such a boring girlfriend.
iheartglasses 0
I'm going to go out on a limb and say it wasn't the actual word he was laughing at (although they can be comical in some contexts) but that the computer is saying the word and maybe in a funny voice. Or a monotone type way that it all sounds boring. Its kind of funny, but maybe not LOL Worthy :)
rattusrattus 19
To be fair, that is pretty damn hilarious.
not_a_jew_21 0
your life is pathetic if you think that's FML worthy.
amayaa_fml 7
or awesome depending how you look at it