Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
Today, I got burgled. Not only did he steal my TV and game consoles, but he took a huge diarrhea dump in my underwear drawer and wiped his ass with my tailored suit. The dry cleaner won't accept it because it's a biohazard. FML
Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML
Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML
Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML
Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
SexyMexi21 23
Ew. man I'm sorry. hopefully they find who it is!
wRIPPERw 23
Chin up, OP. Those are just things. And flush the toilet...
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Comments (201)
TyChief 8
Check to see if they left some kind of DNA on the toilet!
LisaDay 14
Don't bother saving the turd as others suggest, unless you plan on hiring a PI. They watch too many episides of CSI. The police won't collect it and take DNA for a robbery. They'll write a report for your insurance and add your stolen items to their system. Unless you have proof of who it was via video or photograph, they won't do anything else for you. My brother is a cop, they don't do anything about minor robberies like cops on tv.
gmangallen1 13
(Cleveland voice) "That's nasty"
howsthisforaname 34
Well you have his DNA.
lizwiz 4
Hope you did not flush, you have DNA samples! sorry for this by the way...
muzy 23
Aha! OP keep a hold of the faecal matter! Dna can be extracted from it! silly robbers!
namanbtl 11
Click a photograph for your memories
stormzilla993 13
well I'm glad it didn't look human, it's shit after all
Saikon1357 25
DNA Evidence. How convenient
MikeyLean 8
That's bullshit!!