Today, I got burgled. Not only did he steal my TV and game consoles, but he took a huge diarrhea dump in my underwear drawer and wiped his ass with my tailored suit. The dry cleaner won't accept it because it's a biohazard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML
Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully, they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
Today, I woke up to find my freshly dry-cleaned $200 suit not on my bed. Instead I found my drunk ex-girlfriend. Not only did she break into my house, she decided that she wanted to sleep in my bed and threw my suit into the trash. I have a job interview today and the garbage men already came. FML
Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML
Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML
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Top comments
GoogieWithers 25
1. How do you know it was a man? 2. You can save the suit if it can be machine washed.
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Comments (1)
GoogieWithers 25
1. How do you know it was a man? 2. You can save the suit if it can be machine washed.