Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
Today, I got burgled. Not only did he steal my TV and game consoles, but he took a huge diarrhea dump in my underwear drawer and wiped his ass with my tailored suit. The dry cleaner won't accept it because it's a biohazard. FML
Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML
Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML
Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML
Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
SexyMexi21 23
Ew. man I'm sorry. hopefully they find who it is!
wRIPPERw 23
Chin up, OP. Those are just things. And flush the toilet...
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Comments (201)
BreathingClover 19
SAVE IT FOR DNA
rockbandaddict85 22
i wouldnt want to want to be the cop on "duty" that day lol (pun intended lol ) ahh good ol poop humor! its all in clean fun, i swear! i can see the cops fml now...today i serviced a call for a local burglary and had to scoop poop for dna evidence... fml anyway, im sorry that happened to you, hope you catch whoever did it!
SoliDSt33L 33
10, if you're new on FML, there is an option to reply to a comment. I thank you for correcting yourself, but even with the correction to your #6 comment, I don't quite understand it. Anyway, should you really be drunk at age thirteen? I kid, I kid. And Please Stop Commenting Like This. It's rather annoying.
DylanHasClass 17
The ******** bandit strikes again!
Dont4GetMe 6
I hope you didn't flush till the cops came. Might be DNA in the whole bathroom!!
keianaaaaa 1
maybe a scientist can look at the human waste and identify the person!! :D
trulypar 34
This happened to me too back in 2000. Not only did they steal stuff, use my toilet, and not flush...but the guy didn't even use toilet paper. The cops caught one of them because he was greedy enough to steal the change from a plastic jug (just the silvers and left the pennies) but dumb enough to leave the jug with his prints.
zachjonso 1
DONT FLUSH THE TOILOT!!! The cops can take DNA samples and find the thieves!
ced443_fml 9
If you didn't flush yet, you can have the poop scanned for DNA
chloebriana 7
you can use the poop to identify the person don't flush it.