sting
Valencia, United States
Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Username
United States
Creepy
Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML
Anonymous
Pincushion
Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML
flipflap
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Welcome to Florida
Psssssych!
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
sting
Winds of change
Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML
Anonymous
Elk Grove, United States
Slasher
Today, I made some burritos when a photo frame fell and smashed over my pan. I'm pretty broke so I thought I got all the glass out of the meat and ate some. I reheated the meat for dinner too and well, I found the glass that time... FML
Anonymous
I'm outta here
Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML
Anonymous
Toronto, Canada
Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML
Anonymous
Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML
Anonymous
Spider-man
Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML
Top comments
colton_colton 50
You will once you sit down
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I wouldn't be able to sleep... I hope you can find them. Look in quiet dark places and don't stick your hands anywhere you can't see!
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Comments (133)
Jae_Hellyun 17
Time to burn the house down op!!
keeks46 12
Why do you have pet scorpions?
slyde32 12
because he likes scorpions, I guess. I want pet snakes because I love snakes
charcharthunder 18
as long as they're not poisnes, who cares.
TheLastCenturion 19
But scorpions aren't poisionous. They're venomous.
TheLastCenturion 19
Argh. *poisonous
mattmsk005 8
Check under the stove
wvcheesehead 13
Have your brothers Larry and Curly help you look for them. Why would someone keep a poisonous pet?
TheLastCenturion 19
Why not? People keep snakes and spiders as pets...also, scorpions aren't poisonous.
irishmaiden78 23
Two words: Black. Light.
batman105 8
use a blacklight they glow
WarriorOmen 25
Don't worry, they will find you when you are sleeping.
LunarServant 10
Sleep with one eye open tonight pal
atvvstree 2
And this is why you don't have pet scorpions