Animals: Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still...

sting 6 December 2014, 01:32 Valencia, United States

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

133 comments

Collection

Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

Username 3 October 2011, 17:58 United States

Creepy

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

123 comments

Anonymous 28 April 2020, 23:00

Pincushion

Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML

7 comments

flipflap 14 June 2015, 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

52 comments

Welcome to Florida 20 July 2017, 13:01

Psssssych!

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

22 comments

sting 3 June 2017, 04:00

Winds of change

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

10 comments

Anonymous 24 September 2020, 17:01 Elk Grove, United States

Slasher

Today, I made some burritos when a photo frame fell and smashed over my pan. I'm pretty broke so I thought I got all the glass out of the meat and ate some. I reheated the meat for dinner too and well, I found the glass that time... FML

7 comments

Anonymous 25 June 2022, 16:00

I'm outta here

Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML

4 comments

Anonymous 25 May 2015, 16:10 Toronto, Canada

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

70 comments

Anonymous 29 May 2018, 02:33

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

34 comments

Anonymous 16 October 2019, 16:00

Spider-man

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

2 comments

colton_colton 50

6 December 2014, 16:04

You will once you sit down

Hiimhaileypotter 53

6 December 2014, 16:06

I wouldn't be able to sleep... I hope you can find them. Look in quiet dark places and don't stick your hands anywhere you can't see!

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Comments (133)

flowerpowergirl 10

7 December 2014, 22:56

well, you kinda deserve that... scorpions aren't supposed to be held and they are no pets.

squideth 18

8 December 2014, 00:07

It's so cute coming to the comment section and seeing so many people patting themselves on the back for not liking scorpions. People just loooove to think of themselves as superior to others based on their pathetic little preferences. Congrats, you don't like scorpions, no one ******* cares.