Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML
Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML
Today, my date suggested we go to 10:30 p.m. movie so we could "talk" in the car afterwards, when the parking lot was empty. Thus, at 1 a.m., I thought we were going to make out. However, he only asked where I get my car air freshener from, had me write down the scent, and then suggested we go home. FML
Today, my friend fixed me up with a guy from her workplace. I'm painfully shy, so I really appreciated it and was looking forward to meeting him, since she described him as very sweet. Once the date got started, he continuously made fun of my speech impediment, until I finally left in tears. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DoomJeff91 2
At least it didn't smell like chloroform. Then, you'd be in big trouble.
Ashora 0
Formaldehyde is a preservative. The OP likely meant that her date was using a dead snake preserved in formaldehyde as a necklace.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (50)
elisabethecstasy 0
That is...awkward. Give him a chance. He could be a nice guy (:
wwoww102 0
I'll be a nice guy all over your face chest and down your throught.
token_blackguy 18
this is from texas, big surprise.
TheLoneWolf87 4
Now I'm reminded of Panic at the Disco.
redbluegreen 41
I'm always reminded of them. I like that song though. ^ ^
makemesmile22 0
okay honestly whoever set you up with him has either really bad taste in guys or they were doing this to you as a joke because wow that's one f**ked up date
SenGaeriel 3
It smells like formaldehyde in his truck because he has a human body preserved in the bench seat. Just kidding about that. But, seriously, YDI for dating someone who's into that crap. This is why I don't like Texas because there are some really weird people who do weird shit.
abradant_spoon 0
um read what she said. she got set up on a date with the guy, she's not dating him. big difference.
SenGaeriel 3
Not a big difference. She got set up on a date with him, thus she was dating him at the time.
thinmint 0
WTF ever! there are ppl who do weird shit in every state! stop hating on Tejas!
lifeisaplay 0
All I can say is..damn.
braeleigh_king 0
if you're defending Texas atleast spell it correctly.
blakken 3
Texas original name was Tejas =)
Peroxide 3
I once told this guy at swimming training that something smelt funny underwater. Needless to say he actually tried to sniff underwater.
fed_up_thespian 9
I'm pretty sure I've met this guy's evil Alabamian twin ;) Mine gave me x-rated gifts on the first (and only) date, demanded free refills on his beer at the restaurant, used racial epithets (which is bad enough, but at a table full of Caucasians is even more freaky, I mean how racist are you that white isn't white enough?!?!), tried to sneak rum into the movies (we were in our mid 20's and had just left a bar), and asked me to go frog-gigging with him as a second date... my advice is to treasure this, you will now be set up for an automatic win in any "omg i just had the worst date ever!!" conversation.
frowzy 0
what's frog-gigging? what were the x-rated gifts? i want to know more
Arancaytar 0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog_gigging "Your date might be a redneck if..."
fed_up_thespian 9
yeah, its basically hunting frogs by standing in a lake and stabbing them with big forks. gross on a regular day, insane for a date. the x-rated gifts were a bag shaped like a black vinyl corset, shooter bottles of malibu mango rum, and a super-sized bottle of blueberry flavored lube. Granted, the lube is the only actual x-rated thing, but the message the gift sent as a whole was definitely messed up. My guy friend, who is like a brother to me and was there on a double date with us, almost knocked him over, but for once in my life a good comeback came out of my mouth at the right time, I looked at him and said "You do realize that you will not need any of these things with me EVER now, right?" The guy tried to play it off that he didn't know what "that stuff" was and that the girl working in Spencer's had told him it was a great first date gift... too bad he didn't realize that I knew her, and that she's shockingly uptight and can't even bring herself to say "lube" without whispering ;)