Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like each other. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says, "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML
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Top comments
AwsumShyGuy 12
Yeah, you shouldn't have said that in the first place anyways. Even if it wasn't his mother. Remember that hobo story?
SpoonsAndPickles 5
I'm wondering why they didn't greet each other
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Comments (135)
AwsumShyGuy 12
Yeah, you shouldn't have said that in the first place anyways. Even if it wasn't his mother. Remember that hobo story?
cristy91 33
Exactly. Plus, if you're on a date with someone you shouldn't do that. You don't want to be known as shallow or petty.
JamesD995 2
Which hobo story? There seems to have been a good few?
william8691 10
Never talk about the homeless OP. You too can end up in the same shoes. Karma's a bitch...
doctorhook86 25
Trying to score bonus points on a date by putting down someone vulnerable? That's low, OP. YDI.
cajekraze 7
Agreed, OP is a total bitch for that
MagicGiraffe 12
The real question is How does she know what the Devil's toenails smell like? Last time I made a deal with him I don't remember smelling his feet...
TheUnholyApple 6
67, it really just depends on the kind of deal you make. And trust me, the toenails ain't half bad when you've ventured further...
AwsumShyGuy 12
That one 28 about the guy who made fun of the homeless person by throwing rocks at him, than he got chased down by him with a knife.
FinJage 18
People are awfully judgemental and unfortunately that seems like something my girlfriend would say.
fanaticdragon 10
I want to know the hobo story. My curiosity has been piqued.
infaith 5
75- I remember that one! it's quite old
PeachesnCream88 0
Well you shouldn't have said that anyways. Sometimes people need to learn to keep their mouths shut instead of criticizing random people on the streets, you have no idea what they might have been through and have no right to judge them. What a sad world we live in :| *looks down and shakes head*
False_Stupidity 42
67 and 74, I would imagine that Satan's toe nails don't smell half as bad as Satan's ass gas... Having said that, while I don't agree with the OP's actions, I do like her descriptive imagery in the FML.
perdix 31
Now you know what the guy is probably really like when he's not trying to charm some girl into sex. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree ;)
whosindahouse 9
Unless the tree is on a hill.
GrammarTeacher 1
I wouldn't say that's a hill, more like a ravine, gully, or depression. Wouldn't you? Then the apple stays as close as possible.
SpoonsAndPickles 5
I'm wondering why they didn't greet each other
brackaman 18
Who knows? His mom might actually have been a junkie and homeless and they no longer associated. Maybe they didn't get along. Any number of reasons.
geko911 22
You can hear him being offended by reading a "it's my mom"? Seriously it doesnt mean he was offended, he might just have been stating a fact.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I was thinking she might be on drugs as well. Even if he was embarrassed by her or knew better than to greet her for whatever reason, it doesn't mean he'll be alright with some stranger slagging off on her. At the very least it paints OP as a person who leans towards judgement rather than sympathy - not the best way to show yourself on a date. FYL for being outed as a bitch, OP.
Mister_Triangle 21
He probably said it as a joke, and they had s good laugh about it. Then, later, OP realized the potential for FML acceptance if she left out the joke part, and worded it to seem less humorous.
HyperBowser1 3
Devil's Toenails? ... How do you know what they smell like? Unless you have been in contact with a demon... What ever that demon said, I diden't do it!
graphicstyle7 17
Wait a sec.. she "passed" you, and they did not say hello? He did not introduce you? Um... hmmm... kinda strange in and of itself.
Vacant 7
Not really. The mother could have known her son was on a first date and didn't want to impose on it by stopping/forcing her son to introduce her.
Swiftie 0
It only says that OP passed them. It doesn't state that OP's mom made eye contact or for that matter even realized she'd passed by them.
skyboy_fml 2
It's most likely the guy OP was on a date with was not interested in said OP. Thus the reason for his statement about the wretch being his mother. Which in turn provides him with an excuse to not call her the following morning. Sherlock'd
fishface517 10
What if the mother herself was on a secret date? Assuming the guys parents are still together. That's why she didn't say anything :o
skyboy_fml 2
Possible, but with the amount of information OP provided us with; it's more unlikely than my hypothesis.
fbear10 5
Good going! Lol jk , but still keep mean thoughts to your self, even if it's to your boyfriend or bestie or anyone, keep mean thoughts to your self!
somewizdom 15
At least she didn't smell like the devil's anus.
kiwienne 21
must admit I was relieved when I discovered your pic is of an armpit :D
JKr3slEMO 5
dude seriously what the hell is up with ur pic? I mean it's an armpit...right..? so why..just..just forget it-_-
somewizdom 15
No it's clearly a ****** with no hole.
KiddNYC1O 22
It's a pretty one if I may add =]
sammyjanette 17
There really is only one reason that people talk badly about others. Did it make you feel better to express your disdain for this obviously downtrodden woman? I mean even if she hadn't been his mother it very clearly looks as if she might have been impoverished, so why would you make fun of her circumstances?
RedPillSucks 33
Well, we only have OPs word about what the MILG (mother I'd like to Gag) looks like. Some people are very judgmental and will judge someone poorly when in fact they don't look badly at all. I had a friend who used a coconut oil based soap and claimed it was good for her skin. Some of my other friends thought she smelled bad and didn't shower, but it was just how they reacted to the soap. She was actually very clean.
sammyjanette 17
Hmm, RedPillSucks, I think you should rethink your acronym. It sounds way more sexual than the original. Lol
Enslaved 38
"Look (at) that disgusting woman". (: Saying that was pretty rude. Sometimes you can't help what you think but you can control what you say. People watching can be so much fun!
DocBastard 40
So he didn't greet his own mother as they passed in the park? Something smells fishy here... Oh nevermind, it's probably just his mother.