Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML
Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML
Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
Maybe on your next date he'll have explosive diarrhea.
p4r4d0x_fml 0
"Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?" "I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be."
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Comments (77)
Freeze_fml 17
For years? Creeper.
takeapieandrun 9
Looks like you'll have a great future together.
Freeze_fml 17
I know I will.
sarah48_fml 0
i'm guessing he knew you've liked him for years and he doesn't like you.. so to finally end this crush of yours he decided to take you out on a date and purposely act gross/ridiculous/whatever to end your obsession.. you deserve it for being a creeper
lionandthelamb61 9
23, I like you're theory. Sounds like a situation straight out of My Bestfriends Girl, all she needs now is the hopeless guy friend to cough up 200 bucks to the guy and swoop in to rescue her from the date from hell.
TechnoTaco 0
This was obviously a male seduction ritual! so he in conclusion likes her!
caboose261 0
What a ridiculous notion. If a male wants to initiate the seduction ritual he'll just go gangsta like all the other idiots in the world and talk about how great he is at everything lol
RastaboyJordanE 0
nice
firechildredhead 0
Oh yeah. He's a keeper alright. lol FYL
FirstBornUnicorn 0
I think you left out that his nose was bleeding so you could make your fml sound worse.
SouthSideGummi 0
lmao nice ths is vry fake fml
lovelyliz916 5
Awwe what a gentleman, at least he didn't barf right on you!! Lmao :P
schwancy 2
Maybe on your next date he'll have explosive diarrhea.
firechildredhead 0
Hahaha good one :)
GuitarNukka520 5
haha I'd hate to see your purse
OwNowBrownCow 0
You should have got it on video and sent it to Tosh.0.
NitroTonicsFML 4
what a nice treat
blahzz 4
sweet