Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML
Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML
Today, my date suggested we go to 10:30 p.m. movie so we could "talk" in the car afterwards, when the parking lot was empty. Thus, at 1 a.m., I thought we were going to make out. However, he only asked where I get my car air freshener from, had me write down the scent, and then suggested we go home. FML
Today, my friend fixed me up with a guy from her workplace. I'm painfully shy, so I really appreciated it and was looking forward to meeting him, since she described him as very sweet. Once the date got started, he continuously made fun of my speech impediment, until I finally left in tears. FML
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Top comments
DoomJeff91 2
At least it didn't smell like chloroform. Then, you'd be in big trouble.
Ashora 0
Formaldehyde is a preservative. The OP likely meant that her date was using a dead snake preserved in formaldehyde as a necklace.
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Comments (50)
dontFYLkae 0
srry fed_up_thespain bout ur dude issues and I can't help but to the about panic at the disco when I see the word formaldehyde cuz I love that song(build god, then we'll talk)!
bowtheboo 0
Best FML ever! A snake necklace? You're lucky you even made it through that date alive. Those have got to be signs of a serial killer. It starts with snake necklaces, soon it's human jogging pants.
hthelittleone 10
omg for a sec i thot "turn" said "burn" and I was like ewwwwww! lol
SickSickSick7511 0
I only laughed when I saw it was in Texas. XD
radiofish 0
lmao I thought "only in Texas" when I read it, and then saw it was from Texas. ACE.
uzupocky 0
This is why I will never date a guy who drives a truck.
F_ur_life_douche 0
one time me and my buddy Keith tried to make necklaces outta dead snakes, mine wasn't really dead and his creeped his date out. great story Ellis
Adventure_Time 5
YES! L4D2 reference. You sir, are the man.
bettyboy 4
The first thing I thought of when I read this was Panic! At The Disco. Haha.
JMM1993 1
You might be a redneck if...
Linaelle 14
Most romantic date EVER ! On the bright side, after that, every approximately normal boy will seem perfect to you OP ^^