Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as "revenge." FML
Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
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Top comments
abc2601 20
Is the monkey okay?
invadermaythe1st 35
Bit over the top...
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Comments (101)
invadermaythe1st 35
Bit over the top...
MasterTron 24
Maybe it's the same sister who hit their sibling with a stool?
sylverdrag_fml 9
More like "Bit under the top", probably.
lexiieeex3 32
But he killed it...
Markovski 18
She needs to see a doctor.
julako 22
maybe the monkey now too...
mds9986 24
OP also needs a doctor to get the graphite out. Maybe they can make it a family trip.
Kitten_love 22
I still have a piece of graphite in my foot from when I dropped a mechanical pencil on my foot. That happened years ago and I'm fine! I think...
Hunkapoo 19
omg #9, your profile pic is hilarious! and yeah agreed, OPs sister sounds like may need a little help
AbtractAngela 17
Or a therapist.
TypicalSenpai 14
Same here. I've had a piece of graphite in my foot for 4 years now and it just looks like a mole on my foot. XD
smackaroonial 20
I have 2 pieces of graphite in the same hand. Well, i think it's just scar tissue that the graphite dis colored, not a literal chunk of graphite. But it should be fine.
GoldenSeagull 6
I've had a piece of graphite stuck in my finger for over 10 years courtesy of my younger brother stabbing me... there's no lead in those things anymore, so not dangerous, no worries. :)
abc2601 20
Is the monkey okay?
xyris_fml 28
Also, how old is this sister? I had similar issues with my 16 year old sibling.
MeanBeagle 22
by her actions I'm lead to believe not so much. but I see your point. lead.. point.. aha. I'm go in back to bed.
Greendaycheese 12
.
DocBastard 40
I hope you gave the monkey some rhesusitation to make your sister feel better.
slingerslasher 24
me: it's resusci-- ohhh.
DoomSkuller 28
I see what you did there
Allornone 35
There's nothing like a good primate pun.
mads_nicole 19
Children are vicious! Keep sharp objects away from your sister, OP.
stingray112 24
I stabbed myself with a pencil in 3rd grade and 9 years later u can still see the graphite in my hand. Makes a good story
teapotrevolt 27
Slight overreaction... How old is your sister?
devildog562 33
That's not write! You should give them a write hand smack. Seriously though it's hard to get graphite out, good luck op
Cortezthe1st 23
I've had a piece of graphite stuck in my hand since the 3rd grade. The opening closed up within a day, so that graphite wasn't budging. I feel you OP.
leopardwilliam 22
This is why pencils aren't lead anymore
Ichiya 29
As far as I know pencils have never used lead. A hard, heavy, and toxic metal would never have wrote on paper. unless you wanted to tear holes all over it.
Jake42100 17
#45 you are correct,Pencils never contained lead,It was once thought that graphite was lead ore...
hantu69 22
the monkey need a doctor too