Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as "revenge." FML
Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
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Top comments
abc2601 20
Is the monkey okay?
invadermaythe1st 35
Bit over the top...
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Comments (101)
Manureman5 5
at least it isn't lead
LazyLion 12
Your sister is a psychopath
comfort_dude 4
As someone who has also been stabbed with a pencil, I can tell you that it's very hard to get out.
bellydancer82 15
When I was younger, about 7 years old, I accidentally stabbed myself in the knee with a pencil. I'm 27 now, and can still see the gray dot on my knee. Good luck with that, OP!
protoskore 27
wait till she's out of the house, then pee on her bed. blame it on the imaginary monkey.
BabyrooKid 11
So stab the monkey.
IamBeeZz 7
I got stabbed in the hand with a pencil too when i was a kid, and i can honestly say wether it's the graphite or discoloration... 10years later it's still there...
FlutterLoud 29
Welcome to the club, in 3rd grade a girl threw a pencil at my face because I put my folder in her imaginary hamster...I've had the graphite stuck in my hand ever since...(i put my hand up in defense, if I wouldn't have it would've been my eye..)
MonstreBelle 29
In her hamster? That must have been one big hamster or one tiny folder.
charlieoogx 7
Please tell me your sister is -5
PraparAnis 19
You'll probably never get the graphite out. I'm speaking out of experience.