Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as "revenge." FML
Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
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Top comments
abc2601 20
Is the monkey okay?
invadermaythe1st 35
Bit over the top...
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Comments (101)
fushengyuan 20
She was trying to kill the imaginary monkey because it was going to harm you
hellnosucka 27
you should stop sitting on your sister's monkey. it's inappropriate behavior.
StickyPickles 33
Just be glad the monkey didn't come after you. . I've heard they can be crazy vicious, kind of like your sis
BranzerMyDoggie 10
Ok, no offence, but how old is your sister? I'm pretty sure if she's over the age of 9 she probably needs to see somebody about her relationship with her 'monkey'
Silk_Routes 14
hope her monkey have not started earting bananas! sorry for ur stuck up graphite nail Op
Devtyro 14
find a exorcist and have the demon in your sister expelled before its too late.
rabid_otaku 29
Invisible monkeys are quite fragile, you know.
daddysgirl243 21
at least you can't get lead poisoning
TJJOE 15
You really need to go to the hospital and get that taken out. The graphite will leach out into your hand and you will have a small blue/gray spot left that is permanent. It's basically a tattoo because graphite is what tattoo artists use to make their ink black. I have a spot on my face from pencil graphite that broke off and it was stuck in there for about 8 years. It finally came out but it has left a permanent spot
jeepers_1 21
it's not really necessary to get it out. it won't cause any damage.
Witchylady 18
Your sister is a twerp