Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as "revenge." FML
Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
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Top comments
abc2601 20
Is the monkey okay?
invadermaythe1st 35
Bit over the top...
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Comments (101)
bass_ftp 12
Good luck with that. I've had a piece for about 18 years now.
DMEN469 14
it's your first tattoo. was it worth it?
sorainu 18
Been there, I have a piece of graphite stuck in my palm from about a year and a half ago
ShadJV 0
Should watch where you sit.
scmactor12 1
Try going 10 years with a piece in your hand.
Domonator 16
Try spanking the monkey!
MJS103 15
What did the monkey do to you?!
MossyMegaMan 20
That reminds me of a time this one asshole from school stabbed me in the leg with his pencil because I bumped into him. Prepare for that graphite to be there for life, because this was two years ago, and it's still there.
pkypereira 11
That actually happened to my sister, some kid on the bus stabbed her arm with a pencil. Doctors tried to get the graphite out but couldn't. It's been years and it's still in her arm.
DizzyDreamer90 15
One of my older sisters stabbed me with a pencil when we were young.. I still have a gray dot on my arm from it. I think technically it was my first tattoo.