Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML
Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict, and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML
Today, in the middle of one of the worst migraines of the year, I asked my wife if she could kindly stop trying to tell me about the latest neighbourhood gossip at 130 decibels. Cue her loudly nagging in my ear about how I’m mean for not wanting to spend time with her anymore. FML
Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
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Top comments
chanellgymnast 17
Just because you had a migraine she accused you of all of those terms? Good gravy.
GemmaStyles 14
If anything, she's the selfish one.
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Comments (73)
chanellgymnast 17
Just because you had a migraine she accused you of all of those terms? Good gravy.
hemz_fml 13
You don't ever say no to a women. It only ends horribly.
therealafroninga 10
No means no. Except for in my basement.
chicub 4
She was just trying to help take your "mind" off of it
Flowtastic 16
Putting random "words" in quotations doesn't make "it" a play "on" words.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Mind = head, where migraines often occur. When they aren't happening in your kneecap.
Flowtastic 16
Still doesn't make it a play on words...
MDTeddy 13
I thought sex was good for migranes. Did I read a false fact about sex? I know it is true for headaches. Is it the same thing?
syki 22
Migraines are way, way worse. A bad one can make it painful to even move. Plus nausea, etc.
Ameel_fml 19
Migraines are like headaches x100. When I have them, they make me faint, nauseous and I can barely move because of the pain, so if anybody wanted to have sex when I'm in that much pain, I'd probably kill them! D:
tommyfox 19
I think we all got where he got that joke, but it's still a "crappy" pun.
texashater75 16
#39 - It would have been funnier if you would have said "she was trying to make your "Head" feel better".
hemz_fml 13
Judging by my previous comment I can now be sure this site is predominantly female.
GemmaStyles 14
If anything, she's the selfish one.
friedpwnadge 25
So a headache when she doesn't want sex is a valid excuse, but when it's him he's automatically gay? Wake up sheeple.
TisAPenguin 16
Actually, sex can relieve headaches. Well, orgasms can. Women won't have that excuse for much longer when men start figuring this out lol
TrueDragons 2
I like how if a guy doesn't want to have sex, he's gay but when a woman doesn't, it's ok. Pretty dumb people on this planet....
TrueDragons 2
40, obviously it's not ok but what I mentioned above referred to the popular views of the world not the correct view. Not sure what the latter part of your comment has to do with mine, but ok, keep stating the irrelevant.
Flowtastic 16
25 - a migraine and a headache are two entirely different things
hipsterhunter 9
25- If it's just an ****** that cures headaches, most women will still have that excuse.
TisAPenguin 16
No shit, 47
TisAPenguin 16
84, true, since most women blame men when they don't ****** instead of taking charge. I'm a woman, btw. So don't think I'm some sexist asshole. I just speak the truth.
SmilieAKD 20
The key word there is orgasms relieve headaches not sex.
squideth 18
97, being a woman doesn't suddenly eliminate your ability to be sexist.
TisAPenguin 16
111, I was just saying I'm not. Sorry for being realistic. Point was that many women think its a man's job to give them an ******, and complain if they don't. Btw, 107, someone on here said sex in general can relieve headaches. I just said part of it. Go argue with them now.
TisAPenguin 16
And I love how people downvoted my comment towards 47. I know the difference. I've had enough migraines to understand how painful and serious they are.
Flowtastic 16
I love how you think because you've had migraines in the past it means you're exempt from down votes on the subject. Your self entitlement is showing.
TisAPenguin 16
Did I say I was exempt from downvotes? I checked my comments and I didn't see anything like that. I'm just saying I don't need to be told the difference because I already know. I shall reply to comments directed towards me however I please, and if downvoting me makes you feel better, then have at it :)
theworldismad 10
she's a selfish hippocrite
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Since it looks like you're just going to get thumbed down, I thought I'd say I greatly appreciate your profile picture.
cuppycakeslove 20
Damn hippocrites!
Joe9024 20
Damn hippogriffs!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Damn happy meals. Ooh, a toy!
Tpracingkg 15
I want some Mcdonald now
mpj13 8
Tell her to go **** herself. Literally. I don't get it when it's ok for a girl not want to have sex but when a guy does he's gay.
nyrangersfan9 13
The shoes on the other foot now! I wonder if she'll think twice before using the headache excuse again!
jonha21 11
Thirsty
MandieL 27
She should respect your wishes, however; fooling around can actually get rid of your headache. The endorphins that your body creates during the act, can act as a sort of natural pain med. She is kinda dumb for accusing you of being gay because you didn't want to fool around though.
StarThrower 17
From what I understand, there's a pretty substantial difference between a headache and an actual migraine. Migraines are an excruciating medical condition, and during an attack everything hurts and very few things help. You're totally right about headaches though.
mkid232 15
It must just only be sex then, since I sometimes GAIN headaches after some...personal rosie palms time.
buckeyed 20
Just throwing in support on how migraines and headaches are NOT the same thing. Sex can help headaches, for sure. Migraines? Not much can help.
MandieL 27
My bad on the headache vs migraine part, I misread (aka wasn't paying attention to details as much as I should have before I commented) you are all right. Migraine's suck royally. I think I read the FML and it reminded me of the excuse that women are known for when refusing a little play.
perdix 31
Couldn't you be a good sport and just finger her a bit? A little diddling can go a long way, and don't forget The Shocker;)
ahamme06 12
Just cause you have a headache doesnt mean your fingers do lol the shocker sir is never ok! :P
TisAPenguin 16
Ha! Maybe for you...
nosybear13 7
I don't think you understand how a migraine works or you wouldn't be saying that. Migraines depending on the severity can render you completely useless and can send people to the hospital if they're bad enough. I for one can't even move a centimeter without nauseating pain
golden_warrior 23
32 - I don't think you understand how a sarcasm works
j_cat187 20
Perhaps op forgot to trim his fingernails. Paybacks a bitch!
perdix 31
All I tried to do is provide a little contrast to the obvious "she's a bitch" comments. Pardon me for living!
Pussycat86 18
Wow,,, she is a catch!!!
ironichalibut 24
Wow,,, your picture is a cat. (please note, the picture was a cat when I posted this)
deathy94 14
We are all cats :)
JustStella 28
Can I join?!
ironichalibut 24
It's a feline family reunion!
someguy314159265 15
So I'm not welcome here?
Pussycat86 18
Not only my picture, my nickname as well :D don't worry it will always be a cat :D
Pussycat86 18
And this is definitely a family reunion, maybe we should call the father of the pussy to join us here ;)
KeeLady 20
M'row?
sig4life 18
So does that mean next time she has a 'headache' she is a selfish bitch and a lesbian?
natheitz 23
Comparing "headaches" and migraines is like comparing apples and watermelons
M3DIC4T3 29
Both are fruit. Your point?
mageepaigeee44 15
Everyone is saying "when she uses the headache excuse" as if they know for a fact that she uses it all the time of something.. I've never used that excuse in my life and not that I'm agreeing with her (because she was obviously being a bitch) but most mature women understand it's ok to just say "I'm not in the mood". Just putting that out there because all of these "when she uses the headache excuse" comments are pretty annoying and stereotypical.
why57why 21
Try to tough it out
CharresBarkrey 16
You've obviously never had a migraine then.
challan 19
While she is extremely inconsiderate, and you deserve better, remember that sexual release helps with headaches.
swick25 22
honey clearly you have never had a migraine and if you claim to have then you haven't. a headache and a migraine are two massively different things. I just had a migraine Monday and Tuesday of this week and I was completely rendered useless. the pain and nausea almost sent me to the hospital this time. so no sex nor cumming help a migraine. headache perhaps, migraine not a chance.