Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML
Today, I attempted a casual jog in my neighborhood. Halfway through, my shoelace snapped, and I tripped, skidding across someone’s lawn. The homeowner rushed out, not to help, but to ask why I was “attacking” their grass. FML
Today, I was on my patio trying to take photos of the amazing sunset. My phone slipped out of my hands and landed on my downstairs neighbor’s patio. When I asked for it back, they slammed the door in my face. I tried to climb over and get it myself. They called the cops on me. FML
Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML
Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML
Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML
Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML
Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML
Today, I was looking for my condo keys, thinking I had left them in my mailbox on the first floor the night before. Leaving to check, I realized I'd forgot to take them out of my door when I had come in, leaving them in the keyhole. FML
Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML
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Top comments
hawkmcge3 0
oh no! I couldn't keep a lanyard on ur finger they must hate u now
picklezz123 5
whatever not a big deal
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Comments (141)
Cpaintballer 1
fail
MarkerofMagic 0
that's not even a cool thing todo... it's stupid..
racerapj 10
what was the point of this story? need more information on why is he acting nonchalant.
kwright4 0
sarcasm :/
marinus_fml 20
just go get it lol. not so difficult.
parii 0
ok?
OneWordish 0
What a complete fail..
cookiemobzta 0
pwn'd
Melaniee_fml 0
I don't even understand the problem. just go get it. why would this fml even be posted
hockeyplayer82 0
this is a waste of a fml
NuyoRicanGirl 3
this fml sucks :-(
ZTB13 4
OP if your life is that pathetic that you consider this a big deal please do the world a favor and kill yourself.....
smartman136 8
what the hell. i submitted a story about my parents drunknly stealing my college fund and this gets posted
Smyth 3
why not try, nonchalantly, walking over there and picking it up?
vikingbisongirl 0
...why are you trying to be cool? why so you have a lanyard in the first place?
knypny 0
I once dropped my keys too...so I killed myself rather than face the shame
sosoinlove09 0
what's a lanyard?
yuhhkno 0
exactly what #16 said!(;
junkboy 4
Hehe 58 has all breast and no brain... xD
lizzilla8297 2
hahahaydi
twinny_sc 13
How did this make it past the mods? I am definitely not seeing what the problem is.
mak3_1t_ra1n 0
I'm kinda angry at the people who modded this...lol 53
tweetbaby14 18
this is what you should've done: not post this, go get it, shut up, and go home
NuyoRicanGirl 3
agree with #104
Mauskau 36
I don't even understand this. WTF is a lanyard? I've never heard it before and I'm pretty sure the uk doesn't have it/them. don't say anything about the girl that doesn't know coz I don't know either, and I'm pretty sure we're not the only ones
Mauskau 36
don't worry I googled it. I didn't even think those things had a name. now I look dumb. oh well it's the Internet
beabear_fml 0
a lanyard is something you can put keys on and hang from your neck.. when I worked at journeys in the mall, we were required to wear them with our name tag attached. I never really realized how difficult it was to define a lanyard, but I hope this helps. ^_^ and I'm so tired of everyone thinking your life has to be destroyed to post a decent fml.. I'm sure over half of the ones that are that bad are made up anyway. you know you would feel like a dumbshit if you were walking into your house with your neighbors akwardly watching you, and you accident threw your key chain into their yard.. try walking over and picking them up without looking like an idiot. poor op. next time just exit your car, keep your hands and keys in your pocket, and walk silently to your room. save your effort on being cool for your WOW buddies. :P
Fuckme19 0
wow, that's the biggest problem in the whole wide world. go over and pick it up retard. ah durrr.
time4coffee 3
so whats the fml- get your keys out of their yard duh
eggjuggler 0
Instead of trying to be "nonchalant" (btw, you really needed to explain WHY you were trying to be nonchalant), why don't you try just being friendly? Do you live in an area where your neighbors will shoot you for saying "hi" or something? Also, if dropping your lanyard in front of your neighbors is the worst thing that happens to you on a given day, I'd like to trade lives with you. I like my life and all, but apparently your life is filled with rainshowers of gumdrops and unicorns that serve fresh-squeezed lemonade. Can I get in on that?
aubreybradt 9
lmaooo haha
FMyLifeCereal 0
It is a big deal. He failed to mention that his neighbors are Crips and he was swinging a red lanyard.
number0 8
YDI for having a lanyard
KiddNYC1O 22
143 wins lmao
picklezz123 5
whatever not a big deal
starile 20
Yeah, this is not an FML. I'd say more, but I got warned before for a comment wondering how well the FML mods are doing their jobs if such sucky FMLs are being posted up. So I'll just stick to the story. OP, tell us about how the yard was full of land mines or man-eating bees, and then you'll get a lot more FYLs. Til then, YDI.
ktbird 0
F the mods life for being a moron.
thatisjank 0
Agreed, this isn't an FML. At all.
deadheroz 0
No, I'm pretty sure his life is totally F*d.
Cpaintballer 1
fail
yourlifesfucked 0
ya fail for trying to act nonchalant. thats like... impossible?
theFMLwhore5 0
no. it's EPICNINJA fail.(:
MarkerofMagic 0
haha yup totally:P
ferniebabi 0
haha
hawkmcge3 0
oh no! I couldn't keep a lanyard on ur finger they must hate u now
shadowrobot 2
YOU FAIL X(
CharlieAndChapli 0
What the hell? I don't see why this is an FML.
mikedamico6 0
Agreed. #9
barrelroll1472 0
but... why?
cutieXOXO 0
not an FML! just go get it
spychipmunk 0
its funny because you cant come ip with an fml