Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My birthday present was a pelvic exam, and not even the good kind of pelvic exam. Woo hoo! FML
Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
From what I've heard, those exams can be excruciatingly pleasurable. Enjoy your intense boner and I hope you have someone to drain it on or in.
MysticMint 0
Happy going away! May your prostate always be healthy. :D
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Comments (104)
leethewrestler 0
thank you for your service. god bless.
smoojenkins 0
5 years and only one combat tour? of course they have to put something up ur a$$! They still owe u at least one!
sweetonsno 1
You're really whining about the fact that you get cancer screening? Really? Most people are grateful about having health care, especially preventive treatments.
T3P33_fml 0
is it me or did Boners just described Hagrid as his fantasy?
thrade8767_fml 0
getting a finger in your butt isn't all bad.
francisco_g86 6
that sucks, they're actually looking out for your health. What a bunch of assholes!!
freight48 0
You're lucky you're not dead!
jdengel 0
good looking female nurse? that would be a good present
Mistery510 6
I have five years in and two deployments.... quit complaining you cry baby...
mrmerino 0
oh my god, you poor, homophobic redneck with a boner for 'murka that can only be ravished with the blood of innocent foreigners who died because they suggested a different form of government. I hope your proctologist has Parkinson's and hasn't trimmed his fingernail in four weeks. oh, and I thought military service was four years.
pepelepew3344 0
You do realize that not everyone that deploys kills some one....