Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (who is very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I farted. FML
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Today, my doctor told me to take off my pants so she could do a checkup. When I took them off, she gasped. When I asked what was wrong, she said she was expecting something else. She thought I was a dude. FML
Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML
Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML
Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
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Top comments
monicadempsy 5
Listen to your Doc damnit!
lukep135 6
I personally like to imagine a fat redneck stroking my rectum during prostate exams, but to each his own
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Comments (106)
zoPwNAgEzo 21
Try it. Some people are into that kind of stuff
Betz 10
That explains why ET needed the glowy finger.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Is it just me or am I the only one who thought of a Family Guy episode first instead of E.T?
chris36taylor 2
I've gotta feeling DocBastard is going to comment on this
LookOnBrightSide 12
Maybe the doctor was the guy from Ancient Aliens. OP: Doc, do I have an enlarged prostate? Doc: Nope, just Aliens!
jojimugo 20
Awkwardpartyb am with you .
gojira666 7
I thought of Cartman first.....
aFreedom127 9
Mmmmm....anal.
maosquare 18
18 - Oh no! You just effectively destroyed my childhood. ET phone home!
Pigeon89 34
28- I did too! There's nothing like a bit of awkward humour to break the ice :)
TheBonzaiGirl 0
53-"Kyle! I swear, if I didn't have a guy's hand up my ass, I'd leap across the room and kick you in the nuts!" xD
emmy627 2
hahahah are you talkin about the guy with the crazy hair?
monicadempsy 5
Listen to your Doc damnit!
Drigr 9
"Are you sure it wasn't all black and white and grainy?"
MetalxSoldier 26
Docbastard? Is that you?
cheer21moose 13
*whispered voice* but what if he's one of them?
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Just think of the scene form teeth when the doctor got his hand cut off by the girls thingamajig. Just imagine the teeth from behind. Such..... Destruction it could do.
a_purple_orange 4
*******
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
21 I think we both know that thingamajig is a much more mature word than ******. Wouldnt you say? ;).
a_purple_orange 4
Sorry, I should have known better. I'll try to keep my childish impulses under control...
jessimica642 8
That movie is just so messed up
a_purple_orange 4
The first time I saw it was with my mom. THAT, is messed up.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
After I saw the movie I checked if my junk was still attached to my body.
laden_swallow09 35
23 - No, it's not. A ****** is no more than a part of a female's anatomy, and no less than that. Unless you're around small children, why try to keep it under wraps… so to speak
ripresno 10
76- If you think that a ****** is "no more than a part of a female's anatomy",I have to say I think that you might die a virgin.
lukep135 6
I personally like to imagine a fat redneck stroking my rectum during prostate exams, but to each his own
OhDearBetrayal 25
A much better mental image indeed.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
It's no big deal. It's just some complete stranger fingering away at your butt hole. .
jrgr 6
Lol this made my night. xD
Ugi 27
It made your night to have a stranger fingering your hole? Fair enough.
cliffibom 15
That would just freak the hell out of me imagining an aliens hand in my rectum
a_purple_orange 4
Not me, I'm used to it.
ladyLALAA 29
Just think of it as foreplay.
Epsilonyx 15
E.T. just wanted to phone OP's home. No big deal.
trollfaced 2
I like your doctors sense of humor
onlychildFTW 34
He was only trying to help OP! But you didn't have to think about it. He just suggested it.
soldiat_fml 17
True, but once it's been mentioned, I imagine it'd be hard NOT to think about it.
MEM0817 18
That's when you save what's left of your dignity, clothe up, and walk the hell out.
FMLshark 12
That's much better. This must be the same doctor who told his patient to imagine it was Angelina Jolie.
Enslaved 38
These are the same guys that don't understand why some girls don't enjoy anal. Yeah, aliens are all up in my ass!
a_purple_orange 4
Girls don't enjoy anal?!? Your boyfriend doesn't pay you enough...
CaptMurdock 25
I would've walked out of there right then.
Nevereverland 8
The only way out is to run towards the light at the end of the tunnel in time!!