Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My birthday present was a pelvic exam, and not even the good kind of pelvic exam. Woo hoo! FML
Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
From what I've heard, those exams can be excruciatingly pleasurable. Enjoy your intense boner and I hope you have someone to drain it on or in.
MysticMint 0
Happy going away! May your prostate always be healthy. :D
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Comments (104)
BigDaddyWilkWilk 2
They just want you to know that what they have been doing to you figuratively, feels like literally.
at1325 0
it will be uncomfortable, but its medical care. a lot of people can't afford to get testing and preventative medicine. thank u for your service
SirEBC 7
No, you just bitch about everything else.
Strolling 0
50 - Would you like some aloe for that burn?
skinollie 0
they must have read your file ;)
oblio 0
what? they're giving those away for free? damn commies!
underpaid011 0
big time FML! you have health insurance! I am going to agree that your life sucks......
rjnorton84 0
seriously. How is this an fml? A more appropriate fml at this point would be: "today the GOP cut off aid for cancer screening. I have three kids and am unemployed, I could have prostate cancer, but I can't afford to get it checked. Fml."
joshswensoon15 0
i love exams
Zebidee 9
Suck it up. Everyone should have these - they genuinely save lives. You think women go in for pap smears and mammograms for the lulz?
perdix 31
You mean they didn't let you take a head wound or a case of PTSD as a parting gift? You got screwed.
NBS93 0
Thanks.
FreebirdIII 1
over 40? I did 12 year, 2 tours, and no finger. Doc must like you!