Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My birthday present was a pelvic exam, and not even the good kind of pelvic exam. Woo hoo! FML
Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
From what I've heard, those exams can be excruciatingly pleasurable. Enjoy your intense boner and I hope you have someone to drain it on or in.
MysticMint 0
Happy going away! May your prostate always be healthy. :D
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Comments (104)
Dominodev 3
that sucks
The_Creeper_fml 8
Dude this guy's comment gave me an epiphany. This #1 comment is the best. Two words all the way.
AnagenisisZagus 13
Quite so. Zing! Damn! Three words! Bloody hell! Nine! BLAST!!
L3Paparazzo 7
thats really gross, period.
pksparrow53 0
every guy goes through that when there 40!
bobateme 0
Doesnt that sound shitty? :D 4 words.
MysticMint 0
Happy going away! May your prostate always be healthy. :D
Every1luvsfmls 6
and also he can look up to being fingered when he gets back
rebekahah 7
What goes on in Iraq... stays in Iraq.
ruben_A_ruiz 0
49 win
Shafreeka 8
haha
ceva_fml 1
suk it up ! ure a big boy soldier
Takador 3
i dont see how THAT is an FML
Calyx_fml 22
You should moan loudly while getting it. Now that dadt is gone that'd be hilarious.
The_Creeper_fml 8
You know you'll like it.
Gbleier333 4
I'm pretty sure a prostate exam will be the least of your worries if you're heading to a place you could die. Duh. the fml should just be the I'm leaving part.
KingDingALing 9
What's wrong, Kay? Not in the mood to call this one an anus-dwelling, moronic little shit?
sgtrobswifey 0
^ lol
Gbleier333 4
then what the **** is he bitching about Kay? Jesus Christ. stfu
nemisis11 12
He is being discharged, not deployed. And op, I think that is standard, I had to go through it as well. Just look excited and the doc will make it quick.
WillKill4Beer 0
Maybe cuz your a boot and a 1 pump chump POG!
gtwerd 0
And rodger
Zebidee 9
LEAVING the military, not entering it!! FFS. lern2read.
TheNewGuy03 29
seriously, bro? so everyone that joins has to motherfucking stay in for 20 goddamn years? you self-absorbed, nonsensical ******* cuntwad. |the kid|
Chris19801012 0
yeah that's about it. If you want to act all bad and say you did one combat tour. Buck up kid I've done 34 months.
perdix 31
From what I've heard, those exams can be excruciatingly pleasurable. Enjoy your intense boner and I hope you have someone to drain it on or in.
Jrefinne 7
The doctor's office could probably use some redecorating.
holymolybro 0
Do you want one while your there? Better do it it here.
amerwin 3
Fire off a couple of rounds with your skin-pistol to show them who they are messing with.
HarmonyChord 0
This coming from someone who quoted Voltaire? Well stupid is as stupid does, I guess.
amerwin 3
Ohhhh, burn.
HarmonyChord 0
To a crisp!
DCFan 9
cool lion shirt.... =/