Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My birthday present was a pelvic exam, and not even the good kind of pelvic exam. Woo hoo! FML
Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
From what I've heard, those exams can be excruciatingly pleasurable. Enjoy your intense boner and I hope you have someone to drain it on or in.
MysticMint 0
Happy going away! May your prostate always be healthy. :D
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Comments (104)
theonlysweetpea 10
#46
Decodedman 1
Ask for a reacharound.
zebrapattern 6
be glad you're even alive, and getting to come home.
TheNewGuy03 29
i understand -- after 5 years of getting shafted by the military, you don't want them literally doing it to you, right? :D on that note -- MONKEY *******, GO!!!! |the kid|
puckman 0
take it like a man ya coward!
bman134 0
you've been in for five years and still don't know they will **** you any way they can
G6chick 0
army literally ****** u in tha ass
RandomIdiot 3
damn those bastards for trying to save you from cancer ! how dare they !
txtracey 0
They f$&k you coming and going!
thebatboy 4
how dis you serve only 5 years? you serve in batches of three, if I remember right.
SydsTheBoss 0
actually it's 4 years and you sign on for an extra year if you take an enlistment bonus.