Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML
Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
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Top comments
ejejeje 0
good.
MyNameIsBruce 0
Turns out the wind doesn't like smoking either
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Comments (161)
ejejeje 0
good.
cloudy01 0
Backfire!
SirEBC 7
#16, you are automatically lame for commenting on the first comment, but your comment was still pretty badass.
SirEBC 7
You aren't very bright, are you?
whoisthisgirl 4
well you commented on the first comment too.
seanders 10
Well I guess you needed a fire lit under your ass to help you decide.:)
gutzz 0
or maybe she just needed to be bit in the ass by it to have a reason to quit it :P I like yours better though :)
TurkeyBaconLovin 0
boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner
biass 0
Cigarettes are a pain in the ass.
gutzz 0
haha nice 58, I'm quite disappointed in my sub-par trolling today :/ I'm distraught from having my account banned for reasons out of my knowledge I guess lol.
cloudy01 0
oh. that's great FML removed my comment. great job!
SoundnVasion 0
My cousin corey likes smoking ciggarettes, he's in high school.
biass 0
Lol at 82, I didn't get what you were saying until I read your profile. Seriously though smoking's pretty lame, especially when it's cigarettes. Tell Cory to stop. & Thank you to 63.
robc32ca 4
op your fault for littering
alex1432 9
ydi it for attempting to litter
YANKS2728 0
smokings a bitch.
Sonfang 19
LOL your cig butt burned your butt! bet that really chapped your ass! Op I hope quitting works for you, and your ass burn is a reminder for the first few days at least. :)
MyNameIsBruce 0
I just realized something. If he quite smoking, why was he throwing a lit cigarette out of the window?
LukeNukem_fml 3
...revise the FML carefully.
IStoleTheCookies 16
#139 - OP said he found a reason to quit smoking. The FML was the reason.
Haydenob 0
ydi for smoking and littering. dumb kid
o_omwahaha 0
that's the *only* reason you found to stop smoking? >_< geez.
fLYinGgoOsE360 3
oh
snade 0
oh what????
gutzz 0
how creative. 2, cool it, you're putting too much thought into your comments and making us feel stupid.
Grimmerie 31
I feel so enlightened. The world makes sense now. oh ...
KiddNYC1O 22
2 was dying for first comment.
YANKS2728 0
2 just wanted to be first
T3P33_fml 0
#2 just revealed us the meaning of life.
hidrox94 5
Thats why smoking is bad. Among other reasons of course lol
a_cassie 4
haha I was thinking the same thing! like health reasons
my_usagi 0
haha
kamikrazy 6
It's a sign that you shouldn't smoke.
gogokira 5
It's also a sign that your pants don't fit.
mamamiaaa_fml 12
^ thats what I was thinking
gutzz 0
ya, the force of air is a sign.... not the lasting effects to your skin, lungs, esophagus, and mouth... yup those 3 temporary burns on your ass really woke u up...
broccoli2 0
well at least it went down the back. yikes
skarlly 10
yea imagine it would have went down the front! o.0
mikejunior88 4
cigarettes are lame and way too expensive anyway. hopefully you'll actually quit.
MyNameIsBruce 0
Turns out the wind doesn't like smoking either
OCDC 9
Crack kills.
kala_lanier 2
true that.
daybowbow 0
Because it's a little bit hypocritical. I always wonder how many of the "ew smoking is icky" people shove bacon and butter sandwiches down their throats while smoking crack a day after drinking a bottle of grain. I just wonder, I'm not blaming anyone in particular. And, like this guy^ said, we don't want to stop. So there's nothing to admit.
Nimmrodel 11
They should add that to the warning on the front of the packets.