Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML
Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML
Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone fell silent as my dad began to pray for our meal. FML
Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML
Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
Today, at a dinner party, I got locked in the host’s toilet because the doorknob broke. I had to text the host to rescue me. She opened the door… with 5 other guests standing behind her. My social battery was wiped out by the whole ordeal, so I immediately wanted to go home and hide, but instead I got drunk and passed out on her couch. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
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Top comments
samiwammy 5
Trying to redecorate their bathroom?
nick347b 6
If someone makes one more shitty joke...
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Comments (80)
Cloudberry 10
You all know that SOMEONE'S gotta say it... Must have been a shitty day for you :/
thaCODgod 4
you just had to...
thaCODgod 4
you just had to...
thaCODgod 4
you just had to...
MrBoredGuy 1
I'm getting sick of this shit
enonymous 9
Curry does that to everyone. I shit myself just thinking about some Indian curry
EvilPotato 15
1 someones got to say it, you know someones got to say it, *puts on sunglasses* you're a loser.
ImFrackinBored 13
Everyone prepare for a shit storm of bad puns... ...wait...
SystemofaBlink41 27
He should've locked the and shit down! (that was so horrible it lowered my self esteem)
roadie143 0
lock the door, before u take a dump.. simple mannerisms..
thantomaniac 0
Mannerism: n. An exaggerated or affected adherence to a particular style or manner. Perhaps you were looking for a different word?
theten_fml 9
This might sound a bit crazy but it kinda seems to me like he was in a rush. When you're in rush, at times you don't think things through. Btw I think the word was "terrorism" haha!
you_freak 7
Desperate times... Sometimes the door can wait!
samiwammy 5
Trying to redecorate their bathroom?
StoryOfTheYear 15
Oh my god... there's shit everywhere... THERE'S SHIT EVERYWHERE! DAMMIT He shit on the windows! OH MY GOD!
Drummerboy1234 0
oh yeah 19, you are a clever one.
StoryOfTheYear 15
26- It's a reference from a movie nobody has probably seen. I guess I was asking for a response as such.
maddog_3610 1
It's on Dumb and Dumber
ktl743 0
Dumb and dumberer ^
Nightwing98 22
I got the reference and laughed 19
Toxicityy_fml 9
Do you not lock the door when you enter the bathroom..? Or is it just me.
brown4lifejot 1
Its just you...wtf man OP said he didnt lock the door so no i dont think its just you.
jedielf 23
Depends. If you're using the bathroom at someone's house, you don't need to lock the door - door closed = occupied, or at least don't go in there for a while. But if you're using a bathroom where it has one of those "occupied/vacant" signs on the locks... which is why I didn't vote for a FYL or a YDI on this one, because maybe he didn't need to lock the door. He never said whether he was in someone's house or in a restaurant.
sunlovinmama 1
He may have been in such a rush to make it to the toilet in time that he didn't lock the door when he normally would have
ohmandapants 17
Locking the door is second nature to me...in a rush or not...
SilentTreatment 7
Hey. When you gotta go, ya gotta go...
FreeDrawn 7
thing is , he was already doing it .
baconstrips 12
Sounds like a shitty- nah I'm just kiddin ;)
nick347b 6
If someone makes one more shitty joke...
brown4lifejot 1
Well you've got shit up your ass. ;D
theguy33 1
Why the **** do people even say what number 7 just said in my opinion its just as ******* annoying.
stacianichole 2
Not good at picking up on jokes, eh?
DarkMoon159 5
Since you are from India, it's especially gross.
DarkMoon159 5
indian food tastes like shit
CuteDumBlonde64 11
Oh NASTY!! >_< Thank you so much for putting that picture in my mind.....
instnt1nfction 17
Also try imagining the sound effects for that and the feel of the partially liquid diarrhea on your foot while walking back to the toilet