Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
It's the thought that counts
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Delete pls
Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Bad timing
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Dirty talk
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Top comments
ItsAUnicorn 27
You told him 'dirty'. Now only your definition of dirty has to match with his definition!
XBurytheCastleX 25
At least he tried.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
ItsAUnicorn 27
You told him 'dirty'. Now only your definition of dirty has to match with his definition!
Nexpecto 28
She's lucky he didn't take a hundred different pictures of his **** instead!
josace 9
Isn't that the truth haha *sarcastic but annoyed eye roll*
XBurytheCastleX 25
At least he tried.
NoMapToBuy 14
How is that offensive?..
DanielleD93 16
Stay in school...
Sebastian2022 22
He's just stating that not only is the sex going to be fun, but it's going to patriotic, you know, seeing that he's commemorating the dreadful events that transpired that morning, but hey that's just my understanding.
im_a_black_guy 10
Nothing like fun patriotic sex, with the national anthem playing in the background, and the sounds of bald eagles soaring over head
WitEluded 13
OP: ...and I'm gonna go all Seal Team 6 on you if you ever send me a text like that again.
llamarrama01 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's not even close to funny. Many cops and fire fighters are still dying from the after effects of it.
IvyRizzzzoli 25
Your not very smart are you
IAmzephyr 22
where?
Adeptus_Astartes 22
@12 Neither are you.
feven 32
They're still dying? I had no idea
Pingvinai 37
Yes, they are still dying from exposure to silica dust from the crumbled walls and smoke. It causes lung cancer, as well as other very painful chronic conditions. At least inform yourselves before judging.
IvyRizzzzoli 25
#12 excuse me, I mean people are not still dying from that and I thought it was a stupid comment so keep going around acting like and ass
feven 32
^ I didn't read the after effects part.
lexa1love 16
He apparently thought your comment was stupid. People are in fact still dying from health complications of 9/11.
IvyRizzzzoli 25
Well shit, ok I was wrong
cryssycakesx3 23
apparently a lot of them damaged their lungs from the smoke, dust, dirt, etc. he's not an idiot, he's right, the first responders are still dying from it. research before comment.
dereksboo44 16
@12 You're**** If you plan on calling someone stupid, at least know basic grammar.
llamarrama01 21
I honestly don't know why I got so many down votes. Guess I'm the only one on the ******* site who personally has seen the effects of it. Excuse the **** out of me for not finding his joke about 9/11 funny. My dad was one of the lucky first responders who didn't get too many health problems from it, unlike a lot of people who got cancer and long term, terminal effects from it. So no, I'm not stupid and I do not take back what I originally said. And thank you to those who did defend me.
pittyfullpeople 9
Are they?
Regimental_Phan 18
I honestly don't understand why this is getting so many downvotes?!?!?!
Corey122726 17
@12 You're*
EmoKami 21
Silica and Asbestos exposure will affect most of the people who inhaled any large amount of the dust from the collapses. Even with one smaller exposure asbestos can cause asbestosis and then mesothelioma (cancer)
mrmcleod 29
#31 you are #12... and your grammar sucks.
xSphinx 18
I'd thought I'd seen stupid before, but izzy took it to another level past potato.
Saraishi 25
Really, people are still dying from after 14 years? That's a long time to still be on the brink of death.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@51, I actually genuinely didn't know that about the after effects of breathing in all the harmful substances. Nonetheless, still something that will forever be a tragedy whether it's been 14 years or 40. Thank you for your Dad's service, and I'm glad he got out relatively unscathed. He's a hero going into that building with no guarantees on his own well-being. Sacrifice is truly the most beautiful form of humanity there is.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@121, In my opinion, you had both ample time and examples to read of why people are indeed still dying after 14 years; before posting this asinine comment.
yeezuschrist420 11
What’s Osama Bin Laden’s fave drink? A double Manhattan
HrothgarXII 21
Why would he think you would want a terrorist attack on your ******?
buckdharma 38
It's a direct attack on Bush.
laden_swallow09 35
Ohhh, ho ho ho! That was a good 'un, 25!
201chasew 22
"She has a bomb pussy. I'm ready to attack, so I let my middle into her cave looking for Osama and deploy a million white soldiers on Iraq."
LeashaJoy5595 28
#73, You're trying too hard, bud.
tantanpanda 26
that was the funniest comment I've read in awhile, 25.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@73, I do not think you're talking about the same 9/11 as we are. There was no cave. You know, the towers and the planes? Yeah, that one.
khaoticpanda 28
He was trying to be funny.
kingriehle 8
But slightly failed.
VeganDarkLight 31
Only slightly, at least.
AirBusDriver 23
Wonder if "Shock and Awe" would have done the trick? Bam!
Nexpecto 28
Were you there? Had family die? If no, there's no way that was offensive to you. Get over yourself and enjoy the sex.
sammyjanette 17
So we can't be offended by someone making jokes about a day in history where 3,000+ innocent people were killed?
cadillacgal79 32
10-How would you know if any of OPs family wasn't in the Towers the day of the attack? It's not the most common assumption, but I'd rather have someone assume than say "shut up and enjoy the sex"
JohnTheDonJuan 11
#10 was saying if not then shut up and enjoy the sex. Which is a valid point. You're wayyyy too sensitive if something like that comment upsets you. It was almost a decade and a half ago, can we stop crying about it already. I think as Americans we have been playing the 9/11 card for far too long. Look at the atrocities that transpire everyday in other countries, are they hoisting it up as the worst thing ever for the next 15 years? Nope, in fact the rest of the world seems to bounce back and carry on remarkably faster than us. Yeah, the shit was tragic and I'm all for remembering it on that day every year, but for God's sake can we put it to bed now?
cryssycakesx3 23
21, he said, "...had family die *question mark* *if* not.. " don't put words in his mouth.
justash12 10
26 I guess you don't know anyone that is/was a first responder. People are still dying from me after affects of the dust and debris that was in the air that day. That attack brought this country to its knees. December 7, 1941 (attack on Pearl Harbor) is it still talked about as devastating. So a decade and a half isn't that long to be still talking about something.
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Actually I knew 4 people that lost their lives that morning. I've dealt with my grief and can appreciate the fact that op's husband was making a joke. He wasn't intending to offend anyone, so nobody should take offense. Stop being so over sensitive about it. It doesn't make you any more patriotic, compassionate, or decent to get all worked up everytime somebody makes a joke about it that isn't quite your taste.
buckstop1 37
"Look at the atrocities that transpire every day in other countries". World Trade centers aren't blown up in other countries.
mbuck87 19
Nah whole towns are in Iraq, Afghanistan and Palestine.....
Coffeemarc 6
You don't have to have lost someone or known someone who did to take offense at that. It trivializes it. At the very least it's a completely bizarre thing to say.
Octwo 16
Being offended means nothing. Was it in bad taste? yes. Is it disrespectful to those struggling with the after effects? yes. But offensive? Please get over yourself.
im_a_black_guy 10
That kinda sounds like something someone would say before rape #10
Jester epic_151 11
Completely agree
G00N3R 19
He gonna make dat pussay collapse!!
Nena_100 15
You deserve more up votes!