Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ItsAUnicorn 27
You told him 'dirty'. Now only your definition of dirty has to match with his definition!
XBurytheCastleX 25
At least he tried.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
Vestin 18
Asking for dirty talk and then complaining about getting offended is like asking for BDSM and then complaining about getting hurt :3.
Jinxsie 27
This really needs a follow up!
xwingtwo 15
Really all of this BS when he obv meant 9-1-1 as in call the fire department because that pussy is going to be on fire or call the po po because he's going to beat the hell out of it. He was just dumb and put a /.
Jinxsie 27
I hope so...
Mr_Guy_Dude 17
OP makes it sound like he said "nine eleven" not "nine one one"
KrDizzy 16
He's gonna hijack a plane and hit you with it? Sounds like a good time.
bubbles5810 12
I thought it was funny.
chikinscratch00 8
lol. Sounds like something Peter Griffin from family guy would say.
vivaellefashion 14
I think you should give him an example of what you meant by "dirty" talk.
collinchildress 12
He is going to vigorously penetrate your holes similar to how the planes vigorously penetrated the many layers of steel and concrete in the buildings of the World Trade Center. That's I think what he meant. Sounds like you may need a wheelchair next morning.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@54, Bow-Chika-Wow-Wow. So, have you ever thought about writing a novel? Nothing like a good BYOW to the party.
infernno 23
#DickTooBomb
NthDakotaBeaches 12
And now the NSA will be paying close attention to your "dirty" texts...