Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
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Top comments
ItsAUnicorn 27
You told him 'dirty'. Now only your definition of dirty has to match with his definition!
XBurytheCastleX 25
At least he tried.
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Comments (81)
ITSUPEREFFECTIVE 12
Some men just wanna watch the world burn.
japtap81 16
If 9/11 happened in another country op wouldn't be offended. She'd be laughing at this joke. So why take offense? U can't hold grudges on things u have no control over.
LaurenRoxsU 9
^^
magaoitin 4
Since there were 4 planes involved in 9/11 it either means he finally planning on lasting for more than one shot...or 3 of his buddies are coming over. Allahu Snackbar!
idkaylabri 8
My friend Hunter says this all the time
FeedTheStache 13
OP has a legendary username lol
KingHitzy73 2
But I get the joke and it's funny
nazipunksfuckoff 9
Bush did 9/11
TeeGee_McGee 4
Did he happen to be from the Middle East?
Cavsfodawin 21
What, he is gonna fly his "plane" into your "towers"