Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
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Top comments
ItsAUnicorn 27
You told him 'dirty'. Now only your definition of dirty has to match with his definition!
XBurytheCastleX 25
At least he tried.
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Comments (81)
Pandakay3 10
read this a million times before. how original! -.-
Pandakay3 10
my friends wife died in 9/11 maybe not the best place to post this copied joke. well done asshole!
steam_engenius 21
Well, the twin towers did not consent to having planes crash into them. This innuendo sounds like rape! Also, catastrophic rape. maybe OP thinks jokes and innuendos should make some sort of literal sense, like I do. I'd be offended, too.
nodai 13
He's saying he's going to "make you blow up," then use it as an excuse to mine all your body oils.
joshi42 16
Does he realize there were TWO consequential attacks with TWO DIFFERENT planes? On the other hands, they hit BOTH towers...
LaurenRoxsU 9
@113, All I discerned from your comment was double penetration. Amirite?
BSIrishman 6
If I'm understanding his analogy correctly, I think he's asking to do a 3-way with some DP
catmum22 10
I'm from Australia but yes to me referencing to the 9/11 is sorta offensive, terrorist attacks are no joke
starbucks_girl 6
I read go 911 so it was funny, I had to re read it a couple of times tell I realized it was 9/11
mryeti 3
I was thinking maybe he's gonna crash into it twice then explode?
jessdexter 5
That's hilarious, don't take it personally it's not like you were involved in 9/11