Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
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Top comments
ItsAUnicorn 27
You told him 'dirty'. Now only your definition of dirty has to match with his definition!
XBurytheCastleX 25
At least he tried.
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Comments (81)
fivehuskies 6
That's hilarious
holydevil420 10
1: It was an inside job and even if it wasn't the government knew it was gonna happen and didn't try to stop it 2: who gives a **** anymore two buildings blew up and people die but compared to what we did as retaliation had much worse effects on the world(Isis) 3: Americans are the only group of people in the world that think they need to remember and commemorate every bad thing we make holidays for people getting shot but it happens everyday once you think for yourself and stop listening to the government and trusting everything they say Americans will always be sheep blindly following a wolf
janfleury 19
Take a deep breath and remember that was the first try. Both of you will get better at this. If you talk about it to much he may never try again. Is it worth the loss of fun playful foreplay? No its not. Let it go and text him something dirty with a few pics he will learn from your examples of what you want. If you find another of his text offensive it may mean sexting is not for you. BTW I thought his text was funny and sexy. Thet man wants to hit you hard and hot what is not to like about that?
LaurenRoxsU 9
^^And that's how you find the sex therapist in the room. It starts with "Take a deep breath and..."
allplayedout 20
Sooo it'll be terrifying, excruciating, and thousands will die? I guess the D in this context must mean Destroyer of Worlds (is your hubs Sauron?)
TMramrod 15
A for effort?
silverstream20 20
Look, I agree the comment was not exactly ideal and judging by the some of the responses offensive as well. But, I do not think he was intentionally trying to be malicious or insensitive. I think the best approach is to inform him why you found it offensive but that he can still text you. Oh and one more thing, just because something happened years or decades ago does not mean it's affects aren't still felt today. As a Jew a prime example of this is the Holocaust.
chickenlips23 16
How is it offensive?
ShadowGenius 12
At least he's not self detonating.
blackonblight 33
Regardless of if it was offensive or not, (I fall on the "probably somewhat" side) how is that supposed to be taken sexually? I'm honestly curious what he was trying to imply about his actions because it doesn't make any sort of sense to me.
Urpoppy 21
I think you are being much too sensitive about this. Loosen up and be more fun to be with. Trust me, it won't last otherwise.