Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to deep throat him and I had to tell him he isn’t long enough to reach my throat. It just about reaches the back of my tongue, but that’s it. He’s now sulking. I can’t change the length of his prick. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said, "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
You could just tell him that it's physically uncomfortable to do that. No need to say the reason.
Welshite 40
Use a straw. Trust me, it works. It's what my girlfriend has to use.
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Comments (84)
Welshite 40
Use a straw. Trust me, it works. It's what my girlfriend has to use.
whysobeachy 37
Can confirm. My girlfriend uses it, too. The edges hurt a bit, but it's worth it.
BoxFullOfLazy 25
Coffee straw works the best for me.
thatsdndn1 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Number 3 u look like a 11 y/o girl! Why would your girlfriend do that?
KelseyDaBoyz 21
I've never heard of this straw trick? How do you do it? Sorry, not trying to be gross or weird, I've just simply never heard of it before!
Welshite 40
#37: First, you must purchase straws. Bonus points if you get those loopy Krazy straws. (I personally like the blue ones. Makes me feel more masculine.) Slip the straw over the penis. Suck away. It's like a homemade penis pump, but without all the embarrassment and slobber. Unfortunately it's also the only way some girls can get a grasp. It's hard having a 5 cm penis. Ahem...at least that's what a friend told me. Yeah...
whysobeachy 37
#31, I'm actually 20 years old. Perfect FML moment right here. Oh, and to answer your question, it's called a joke.
JETarchitect 32
um..... how exactly would a straw help here????????
GAJones4221 10
it wouldn't. someone just chose to make a odd comment and people just rolled with it it would seem.
SNSD_Yuri 3
Instructions unclear; Penis has been replaced by thick straw.. pls halp
omgcyndaquil 23
Put a pillow under his hips.
whysobeachy 37
Excellent idea! Pillows under the hips automatically add two inches to penis length.
thisguy22 33
While it won't make his dick any longer, it will reorient the angle she's working at. Maybe she can make eye contact then.
yerawizardlizzy 27
Except that won't do anything if he's standing.
thisguy22 33
@60 Very true... But honestly, I doubt anyone would ever stand holding a pillow pressed against their ass while receiving a ********.
skatoolaki 24
Rule 34
GiraffeKing907 9
#13 is that really true? I feel like it isn't.
MegasaurusRex89 28
You could just tell him that it's physically uncomfortable to do that. No need to say the reason.
fakedsincerity 32
I think I would laugh if I had to make eye contact during a BJ. Most people's ******/enjoyment face is kinda hilarious (and adorable) so it'd be hard to keep the mood sexy. Also, do what makes you comfortable, sounds like it'd cause one hell of a stiff neck.
whysobeachy 37
I personally think that ****** faces are really arousing. It's the fact that the person is orgasming, which gets me.
fakedsincerity 32
From a BJ though? That face angle is not the most flattering. Or maybe it's just my partner who looks funny from that angle and makes me laugh. lol. During other sex things, definitely. (probably should have clarified better in my last comment!)
UserError94 18
I love to see my girl look at me while going down, but the fact that she sees me back is kinda pressuring lol
mfmylifesrsly 30
I don't know why but men love when you look at them while giving a *******. I do it but not during the whole thing. I hate when a man looks at me though when down on me cause I know I have a double chin from that angle. LOL
ndnpride88 25
Seen yourself in a mirror lately? Your pretty I doubt he's worried about your chin lol
fakedsincerity 32
LOL #10. Yes! At least if I'm lying down I can look up/lean back so my neck is all exposed and smooth and sexier. Standing up for any type of oral leaves double chins for anyone receiving and it's hilarious (although being able to laugh about it with a partner is fun and healthy!)
joeyl2008 29
If you look into someone's eyes while the ****** you see into their soul according to Taco on The League. Also according to The League people's face people make after the point of no return and during ****** is called "vinegar strokes" because you look like someone just stuck a bowl of vinegar under your nose.
duduv2 20
I took a viagra it got stuck in my throat I've been having a stiff neck for hours.
mylsux 15
Just tell him your necks too short...
whysobeachy 37
There's one thing here which is too short, and it isn't OP's neck.
helveeta 11
Why has this gotten negative comments? I laughed!
mylsux 15
Eh, some people are just rude, don't sweat it. Thank you btw
DeadxManxWalking 27
hes been watching too much ****
ryan9395 12
He should be happy he's getting a bj in the first place, not complaining about eye contact. Tell him to make eye contact when he goes down on you!
coatl45 11
I agree here. It's my understanding that a good number of women dislike giving a bj.
whysobeachy 37
I think #18 is right. I've never given one myself, but it looks really uncomfortable, and tiring. Plus, penises are large things. I imagine it feels rather uncomfortable, indeed.
fakedsincerity 32
idk I enjoy it with my partner, as does he with me, but I'd be pretty pissed off if he was so ungrateful to be nagging me about something like that. Obvs, communicating fav things is a key part of good sex, but nagging once the other person has said no is not good.
rldostie 19
18, I disagree that a "good number" of women don't like giving blow jobs. It's just about being in the right mood for it. I like doing it, although I'd rather it lead to sex so I can get mine too. Lots and lots of women enjoy giving their partners pleasure, more so enjoy it than not, from my understanding. (It's enjoying the act of giving pleasure more so that the act itself, if that makes sense).
AmericanBadAss 21
Give the man what he's asking for. Stop sucking and stare at him. He'll get the hint when the pleasure stops.
amsterdamgirl 20
hihihi
Balance101 5
I think googly eyes on the top of your head should solve this problem.
ham_spam 17
Lol