Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML
Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML
Today, after discovering my grown-up kids have sent poop pictures to each other since they were teenagers, I had an epic poop that looked like a question mark. So I finally lowered myself to their level and sent a picture of it to them. It got sent to my boss by accident. FML
Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Today, I got an email from a colleague with a picture in it of shit on the toilet seat. The email said, "Not pointing fingers but I left you out of the last email." I pee a lot and so I use the toilet a lot. I think everyone at work thinks it was me. FML
Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML
Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML
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Top comments
SCREAM4meeee 0
well, have you?
ceilingfans 1
Take that as a challenge. Im sure if you eat enough fruity pebbles your shit will turn rainbow.
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Comments (143)
bankrupt 15
Well I think it is terrible that this is the OP's first contact from family in four months and it is about neon crap. As for having nothing to tell the OP, how about saying something to the tune of "nothing new here, just checking in to say that I love you and am so proud of you for your commitment to serving our nation" just to keep in touch with her child? And has anyone in his family ever heard of sending a (gasp) CARE package? Our church puts them together for strangers and we get a lot of notes from servicemen and women telling us how much those little goodies mean to them. I am sure the OP would love a touch of home; hard candy, clean socks, fresh reading material, etc. Some moms even bake their kids' favorite cookies and ship them. This just makes me mad and sad at the same time. Thank you, OP, for your commitment to serving our nation. You deserve much more than a photo of poo.
pondermuse 5
Soon enough Lex Luthor will be paying your mum a visit and be seen scooping that krypton shit up with a huge smile on his face.
brendonuriepatd 8
You should be grateful! Your mother took the time out of her day to take a crap, take a picture of it, upload it and attach it to the email, type it and send it to her ungrateful child!
missy232 0
Ok, I guess seeing in his post.. That he's in the "military" means nothing to you. And saying he's ungrateful, ok bitch. Let's see you try and make it through bootcamp and fight for our country. Probably couldn't handle it and would have no support from what you posted.
Shrike 24
so what, he's in the military? what the **** difference does that make to anything? get a sense of humor and shut up with the soldier worship crap. you don't have to kiss a guy's turd and pretend it's gold just because they joined the military. sure, respect them, but don't act like a damn pissy cheerleader over it, 'specially when the guy's username is "btchzloveit". yeah, real credit to the military there.
brendonuriepatd 8
86- thank you! 85- don't take anything that I say with a grain of salt! I do have respect for troops I think they are brave to be fighting for our country youre just over thinking my sarcasm
brendonuriepatd 8
P.S. I was actually talking more about his mom considering she'll take time out of her day to send a pic of her shit but not to just check up on her son
jsturaveragegirl 5
Haha sadly that sounds like something my family would do. The green shot not the no contact. That's messed up they should contacted you. Fyl.
brendonuriepatd 8
Lol my brothers would definitely do that
kareltje 17
No disrespect meant, but communication is two-way traffic. Can't blame it all on your family, OR on being deployed, that you haven't been in touch for 4 months. That said... Yeah... your family ties are rather crappy, to say the least. Go watch Guesthouse Paradiso. It'll take your mind off of neon colored poop...
kegley 4
must've been a forward.
jaredofmo 22
Why can I see my mom doing that?
mrsbieber23 0
That's gross was it really neon
brendonuriepatd 8
Yeah his mom ate one too many glowsticks
tatayannmermen 3
It took your family that long to write you that back. Wow, their lives must be very interesting (sarcasm)! Well, at least she remembered you..
tatayannmermen 3
1 question to anyone that actually reads this; I changed it in my settings to wear my profile isn't not hidden but it still is. I don't want it to be hidden. Help, please?