Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thats_my_job 11
You couldn't stop your child? I'd never let my daughter take any sort of candy from a stranger. I would have said no, given a reason and distracted my daughter with something else.
chubbybunny963 7
Sounds like a shitty situ- *gets shot*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
SaintPeasy 3
Couldn't stop a 4-year old? Ridiculous!
ballbearing 10
Control your child! My son knows not to take anything from a stranger without asking me first!
vbmg152 19
WTF?? Your kid is going to end up with her picture on a milk carton! Missing! You should have control over a 4 year old! That's utterly ridiculous! You couldn't stop her? It's your job to protect & teach your kids! Please don't have anymore children! YDI
zenrael 21
You can't stop your four year old from taking candy from a stranger. Seems like parent fail to me. YDI
shadowPlayer 6
I think the bigger problem is why your 4 year old will take candy from strangers.
pipc 10
Be a parent? Control your 4 year-old? YDI
Britt125 16
You got shoved aside by a 4 year old? You should have been able to stand your ground and stop her, not let her shove you aside. She's 4, it couldn't be that hard to stop her. YDI.
jbicchinella 4
She's 4 why isn't she potty trained and why didn't you make her spit it out??? Mother of the year award goes to...... Someone else!! Lol
Dilwann 27
I agree on the spitting out, but potty training? It's a laxative, for god's sake. Any grown person wouldn't be able to hold it in for 3 hours.
Gummybearjunkie 3
1. How does a 4 year old push you aside? 2. Why haven't you taught her that taking candy from strangers is wrong? 3. Why isn't a 4 year old potty trained?
asktherunes 4
Your 4 year old pushed u to the side ???? U must be really little. Not the old lady's fault your child grabbed & ate the candy.