Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
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Top comments
thats_my_job 11
You couldn't stop your child? I'd never let my daughter take any sort of candy from a stranger. I would have said no, given a reason and distracted my daughter with something else.
chubbybunny963 7
Sounds like a shitty situ- *gets shot*
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Comments (107)
lhamil64_fml 5
Your lucky it wasn't anything worse.
lhamil64_fml 5
You're* (apparently you can't edit comments from the Android app unless I'm missing something)
squishycat 6
Guess that's what happens when you let a 4 year old push you out of the way. If that had been my kid, she would have gotten punished for being so pushy and greedy. Teach your brat some manners! Hope she learned not to take candy from strangers...
pinkpanther61789 15
I think this is a 50/50 situation. Fyl for having such a stupid and aggressive daughter. Ydi for not laying down the law and being a proper parent
_TasteTheRainbow 24
Wtf? Haven't you ever taught your child not to take candy from strangers? YDI.
rapunzellouise 11
What is ex-lax?
_TasteTheRainbow 24
A laxative, to help with constipation.
UsagiArwen 23
I'm with the YDI on this one. You never taught your kid not to take candy from strangers. Then, you let your kid push you aside to take the candy - if I'd even tried that on my mother, woo I woulda wished I hadn't. Basically your child has a complete disregard for manners, and you have failed to be the *parent* to instill said manners into your child's behavior.
1xaspera 6
Since when is any old person necessarily senile? She could have been just spiteful.
leahmae88 7
And you didn't snatch it out of your child's hands because? You deserve it.
natural711 6
Well you're the dumbass to let a 4 year old eat the candy anyways, I would have beat the chocolate out of her hand, much less beat her ass the minute she shoved me aside. If that wasn't ex lax, and your kid died, boy you'd be ******
metalflower01 7
This is wen you grab your child and tell them no they can't have it. What kind of parent actually sits right there letting their kid eat ex-lax? You totally deserved it, and I hope some of her mess got on you while riding that bus.