Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
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Top comments
thats_my_job 11
You couldn't stop your child? I'd never let my daughter take any sort of candy from a stranger. I would have said no, given a reason and distracted my daughter with something else.
chubbybunny963 7
Sounds like a shitty situ- *gets shot*
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Comments (107)
taranpreet 7
I dunno about you guys but since the child already ate the ex-lax...OP should use this as a lesson to her daughter about strangers and candy.
yzzami 17
Your parenting is bad and you should feel bad
Sir_Swaggington 6
I feel worse for the other people on the bus. Besides, why is your kid taking "candy" from strangers? YDI.
Eiregal2 10
My god, if I had done that when I was four my mother would have torn my hand away. If I had somehow got the candy in my mouth she would have fished it out with her fingers! My mum was good at discipline. I grew to respect her and others too. In today's standards she may seem harsh, but say boo to this bunch of babies today and your seen as abusing them. Pathetic
Ameel_fml 19
Honestly, I think that's perfectly reasonable for your mother to do, and not abusive at all. If I thought one of my kids had something in their mouth that shouldn't be there, I'd probably do the same by sticking my fingers in their mouth to get it out. Is it gross? A little. But I'd rather have sticky spit fingers than a sick or dead kid.
SMOKEnTOKE00 3
YDI for being a shitty parent
mermaid_ariel87 5
Not only should you have not let your child take sweets from a stranger but you should also have taught her some manners. As if she just pushed you aside to get it, that's just rude, she's not gonna grow up to be a very pleasant child if she gets away with that sort of behaviour
naughtylez82 4
One how did your child manage to push you aside? Two why haven't you taught her to ever take things from strangers? Three you should have packed extra clothes. She is four and you never know what may happen. Four if she is that willing to take candy she would/will leave with a stranger. Trust me I speak from personal expierence here.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Oh wow. Ydi on this one, sorry OP. You should have taken it from her In The beginning. There was no chance knowing that there could have been drugs In it as well.
jayisabeast 1
Don't take candy from strangers!
samicna 4
I don't see how u couldn't prevent your child from eating it ?