Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
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Top comments
thats_my_job 11
You couldn't stop your child? I'd never let my daughter take any sort of candy from a stranger. I would have said no, given a reason and distracted my daughter with something else.
chubbybunny963 7
Sounds like a shitty situ- *gets shot*
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Comments (107)
HooahGal 6
You let your child eat a laxative from a SENILE lady? She's lucky nothing worse happened. Who know what could have been in it. Parenting fail.
dudleydursley 1
Mum, is that you?
Hypertudism 15
Tell her that excessively having to go to the bathroom until it hurts, is what happens when you disobey your parents.
winkydog4056 16
'Smooth move, ex-lax', mom says to her son.
MandieL 27
I am sorry but this is why people should need to get a license to breed. I don't care how strong the kid is, I don't care how light weight you are. The next time it's not going to be shit-me-chocolate, it's going to be booze or drugs and you will be on here going "oh poor me, FML" well guess what you will deserve it then as much as you do now for not teaching your child, not only basic manners and restraint, but taking candy from a stranger. Read a parenting book. Please.
Lunazel93 4
Ex lax takes over 6 hours to kick in-you're totally exaggerating the situation
Tgo19053 15
So is this what parenting is now-a-days? Blaming other people because you can't control your kids yourself?
donut_gurl 8
YOU are the parent! you tell your child no, they don't grab the 'candy'. If she starts going for it, you need to stop her. This is YOUR fault, not the strangers, not your 4 year old's. Learn how to say no to your child
grannygruber 6
YDI For not teaching your child manners! Even a 4 year old is old enough to know better!
grannygruber 6
There is a difference between SPANKING and BEATING a child. All tho in this case I think instead of spanking the child someone shoulda beat some sense into the parent!
_TasteTheRainbow 24
Actually no, there's not a difference. Spanking...beating... Abuse is abuse, plain and simple.