SamWGovan
London, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
Top comments
CyborgBanana 12
BOOM! Headshot...
NzaHaFML 13
So what did it taste like?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (242)
NzaHaFML 13
So what did it taste like?
ICastillo 25
Spit or swallow?..... You know what never mind I'd rather not now.
CaptainSaveAHoe 11
His first mistake was masturbating cross legged. Odd angles...*shudders*
herpderpherpderp 13
probably tasted like gherkin.
PnKaos 7
Do you really have to ask? Chicken just like everything else.
HeyLookJesus 11
Did OP gargle ¿
kathryn14 19
It's really not that horrible...
ICastillo 25
Hahaha what the ****^^^
FlyingPie 17
Possibly like chicken.
yoyoforpeace 14
Well at least it didn't get in your mouth...
PinkKawaiiChic 10
And now you know how us girls feel.
ammerhammer 3
**** much??
ammerhammer 3
That was an accident. Not for you
heygirlie777 21
I want to thumbs-up this but it's at 69 so no.
PinkieKeen 20
I knew a guy who was masturbating, and right as he came, he sneezed and came all over his face.
sens3sfailing 25
there, I thumbed it up so you can stop being immature.
OHai15 12
prolly tasted like gherkin chicken..
FEZ16 3
Actually if it tastes salty that means your not cleaning your "tool" good enough or your eating stuff with to much salt. And pee shouldn't taste salty either. A lot of science channel helps and a lot of sluty girls from school that talk about it. So either u girls are sucking on something dirty or tasting something he ate a lot of.
capper44 18
#101 nothing personal but ur profile says ur 15 i think.... So this is what now a days 15 year old do!! O.o
Jordanln97 9
Omg please tell me more
kaoszombie 6
It had to have tasted like chicken. Everything tastes like chicken.
onlychildFTW 34
81 - you aren't allowed to use the MB R129 post 1995 model car as your profile picture with a comment like that. Ps. Sport model body kit looks better. Haha.
chris2213 2
Dafuck bro
jacobhandy 2
Yup you're probably my favorite person on here
jacquesromualdez 12
Did you wait for it to cool down or you went at it while its still warm?
onlychildFTW 34
Everyone knows warm is better for e Everything but ice cream. Not the homemade kind. Haha.
faysal526 2
How you know ? ;)
faysal526 2
How you know ? ;)
samglam08 7
LOL
CyborgBanana 12
BOOM! Headshot...
biglittlehead 12
Right between the cry muscles.
mduffy08 8
2 - Suicide -10 Points Game Over.
kendallhi 9
I'm a little weirded out by CyborgBanana
inzunza 5
Got Heem!!
scarface90 8
Friendly fire is not tolerated...especially in this game
Harpy20 24
143- circlejerk rules?
jacquesromualdez 12
Just like NBA titles on Youtube: OP delivers a facial!
thrashtildeath 9
boom goes the dynamite !
artnotwar 4
Feed Me. Hell yeah.
vanessa09865 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
haha that is so awesome! Sucks for you but hilaaaaaarious, btw to anyone who's confused: he was masturbating
amirawrx 8
*slow clap*
vanessa09865 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ok i included that in my comment because someone else was confused but it seems their comment disappeared. what they said was "jerkin' the gherkin?" and they seemed confused so i felt it necessary in case anyone else was confused. Don't be a jerk because not everyone may know sexual slang. Edit: i figured if one person was confused, other might be as well but that doesn't seem to be the situation now. Just thinking ahead (haha penis reference)
MatteKudasai 17
I'm pretty sure that even if they didn't understand what "jerkin the gherkin" meant, it became extremely obvious at the end of the FML when OP came all over his face.
daisy2101 7
Eh your comment was annoying anyway
Sandsh8rk 36
There's a reply button for a reason.
vanessa09865 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
They deleted their comment, so irrelevant
LappDance 16
You're the third comment, and the first two comments are still there.
PnKaos 7
^owned. Logic rules once again.
gracehi 33
50, No, I saw it too. 1 originally said, "Jerkin' the gherkin?" I guess she edited it later, leaving 3 hanging to look like a nonsensical douche. Don't know why you guys are being so hard on 3. He was just trying to help.
crazedboy45 2
You're about 15. You shouldn't even be here
gracehi 33
I'm sorry. *She was just trying to help. 71, Vanessa is 16, and there are 13 year olds on this site. Don't be a dick.
lilhellian 27
Or you might get it all over you.
Cyrren 22
No shit? You don't say?!
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
35 - Your comment made me laugh. Thanks for that.
FMLTuna 6
gracehi did you change your picture to threaten me you buck toothed bafoon?
Prolux_fml 23
73 - I'm 14 myself and figured out quite quickly what jerkin the gherkin meant; pretty much right off the bat...
KiddNYC1O 22
Youngsters...
Abbie_s 2
#3 who wouldn't know? what else would someone be doing to cum in their eye?
lilhellian 27
********? But wouldn't really work in context
isaiaah 6
*facepalm*
aly_goes_rawr 3
You're like twelve. Why the hell are you on here let alone commenting on him jerkin'?
YakuzaxGeneralz 9
I... I'm not even sure how to respond to this.
spud11763 14
Then don't, and let somebody else be comment 4
NzaHaFML 13
Yes 39, cause that totally seems logical.
bigtaytay 13
Yeah I was really surprised too. Like is OP THAT bad in bed that he even bores himself?
DespairFaction 11
Seriously, I read this and was just in shock. Ugh so gross.
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
What? You've never had that happen?
lilhellian 27
A headshot without looking?:O I have much to learn master.
lilhellian 27
55 I will not shut up. Don't be an ass just because you do not like me. I am not your slave to be ordered around so kindly go **** yourself asshole.
gc327072 31
The art of hip-firing. OP must be a master of CoD.
lilhellian 27
I just heard "jerking my gherkin" on impractical jokers...
fucking_dev 2
hahaha headshot ... dead .
madhouse1212 2
Dafuq i just read?
gracehi 33
Too lazy to ********** properly? Wow. That's a whole new level of shit baggery.
MrsAlexander83 10
Bahahahaha!!!! That's exactly what I was thinking!!
garrett8614 2
I still want to know who in the hell masturbates cross legged?
Dracoboxer357 36
77- But masturbating is just so Zen! And really, masturbating and meditating sound similar, where in both cases, you achieve an altered state of awareness! ;) People jerk off standing up, sitting down, laying down, or even on a roller coaster. Being cross legged while finding your inner peace, is of no surprise to me. ;P
gracehi 33
Proper masturbation = not shooting your load into your own face.
kaoszombie 6
He had just watched the matrix and thought that he could dodge it.
Rogersmoonshine 7
#124, Ancient Egyptians would incorporate masturbation into meditation, using the ankh to awaken the kundalini upon ****** and send the energy up through the spine and back down, stimulating the chakras and, if I remember correctly, unlocking spiritual awareness. Or something like that!
syrini 7
Irrelevant, Wikipedia.
Kallian_fml 21
Mmm, don't you just love it when it gets up your nose? You get to enjoy the smell all day...
gracehi 33
I just threw up a little inside my mouth.
ICastillo 25
Kallian, what does it smell like? You seem a little to eager about the way it smells.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Was it projectile...like you know what?
Kallian_fml 21
30- Well when it's fresh it's absolutely revolting. Once it starts to get crusty the smell disappears but it becomes harder to get out of your nose... On a serious note though, just seeing semen makes me want to spew, so I have no intention of taking a big whiff of it.
lilhellian 27
75 Just how much have you been seeing? :p
Kallian_fml 21
83- Enough to swim in. Jealous?
lilhellian 27
Maybe.. *looks around sketchy like* can i join you?:D
Kallian_fml 21
Of course you can lilhellian. :) We only have three rules here at the Gene Pool. 1. No running, jumping or diving. 2. Swimwear must not be worn at any time. 3. Please refrain from swallowing the 'water'.
cmb8280 24
Ok, 11 made me nauseous. 75 made me throw up in my mouth a little. Ugh...
lilhellian 27
I'm already following rule #2 :)
Kallian_fml 21
111- I've made two people throw up today? Hell yeah, this is the most productive day I've had in a while!
Kallian_fml 21
113- Great! *shoves in pool* It's warm because I only just filled it a little while ago. :)
lilhellian 27
Wow weak people puking at this... I'm not even grossed out.. If i saw an actual pool of it.. Maybe
nukeacat 9
So that's were the myths come from.
priceyfml 7
How did you zone out
ygdrassil 17
I can idly **********, but not idly cum.
challan 19
He was busy thinking of your mom.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
110- I was busy thinking about you...