Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thats_my_job 11
You couldn't stop your child? I'd never let my daughter take any sort of candy from a stranger. I would have said no, given a reason and distracted my daughter with something else.
chubbybunny963 7
Sounds like a shitty situ- *gets shot*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
royalsgrl 14
First off who lets there kid take anything from a stranger??? 2nd if your kid tried to grab it you should of stopped it wasn't there a wrapper lol.
WWstar 9
you should of told the old lady that now she can clean your kids pants.
skittyskatbrat 19
So your kid took candy from a stranger after you told her no, and ate it despite you telling her no. Parenting Failure 101 right there. Enjoy your "shitty" ride, and work on your parenting skills.
fantasyworld 39
I'm wondering how she was able to push you aside and eat it before you told her not to.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
If it's anyone's fault, it's yours because I can't imagine a 4 year old managing to push their parent out of the way to begin with, and one of the lessons a good parent teaches their kids around that age is to not talk to strangers or accept anything from them, not to mention that you could've stopped her from putting the laxative into her mouth. If you can't control your child, then you don't deserve to be a parent.
Astrobomb 21
wow. . . you're a wonderful parent smh
sarahcroy20 12
I suggest you learn how to control your child. I am appalled you let her push you aside like that. You're lucky it was only exlax and not poison. ydi.