Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
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Top comments
thats_my_job 11
You couldn't stop your child? I'd never let my daughter take any sort of candy from a stranger. I would have said no, given a reason and distracted my daughter with something else.
chubbybunny963 7
Sounds like a shitty situ- *gets shot*
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Comments (107)
EffYoLife 14
You should whoop that child's ass for taking candy from strangers
ksal80 1
Safe to say we will be seeing many more FML's from this mother regarding her kid. If she's already "pushing" aside at the age of 4, god only knows what she'll be into by the age of 16. Parenting is about structure, routine and discipline... Not friendship!
meso222 8
Now that is a... Horrible situation, seriously a 4 year old didnt push you out of the way. You let ger take the candy because you are a horrible parent, smack the childs hand deal with the tantrum and be eventually your child will learn. It also helps to tell then WHY taken candy from strangers is bad.
iAmKirsty 8
And that's why you should teach your children not to take sweets from strangers. smh -___-
DarkAngelsBlade 25
It's not impossible to be manhandled by a child. They have the right reach and the element of surprise. My brother has done it to many of the women in my house over the past few years. He's always been strong and muscly. Just the other day he pulled a full grown man who was in a chair with wheels without breaking a sweat, he's 6, the guy weighed over 300 pounds. But if this poster is a man...shame on you for letting your daughter pimpslap you.
ksal80 1
You're a moron
Driveshaft 5
Just to make sure I got this right...your FOUR year old daughter "pushed" you out of the way, and ate a strangers candy... Fy daughters life, for having such an awesome parent.
sweetmama88 6
I would never let my child eat from strangers what ever her age is !
yusaku02 20
And you didn't stop her because...
cmb8280 24
You just let your kid eat something a stranger handed her? There's no way a 4 year old is faster or stronger than you. You're lucky it wasn't laced with something much worse. YDI
TinyGiant 4
How could your child push past you and somehow have time to eat a bunch of the chocolate you knew was exlax? Are you injured? On crutches? Just generally don't give a shit about your kid?