Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML
Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML
Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML
Today, I was extremely tired, so when I decided I wanted a snack, I went to the corner of the kitchen where the chocolate is, opened the garbage bin, and reached inside. FML
Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML
Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
Today, I brought a huge chocolate bar to work, left it in the break room, and came back to find it gone. Later, I saw a coworker with chocolate all over his face and fingers. I asked him if he took it, and he said, in almost offended tone, “What? No, that’s mine.” FML
Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
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Top comments
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
I think this is perfectly believable. I don't read shit before I eat it. xD Though I usually know what it is already... Anyway, I agree with #3. It was your fault, you should have read the box. Although I'm being a hypocrite.
ShadowSneaker360 16
Wtf..
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Comments (41)
hicrihicri 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
God damn am I hungry for **** right now.
MrCatman1125 2
Eating laxatives is suddenly unbelievable?
ShadowSneaker360 16
Wtf..
Puffpie 24
That's great. Now keep it to yourself please.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
And you're telling us this because……?
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
I think this is perfectly believable. I don't read shit before I eat it. xD Though I usually know what it is already... Anyway, I agree with #3. It was your fault, you should have read the box. Although I'm being a hypocrite.
happyllama12 5
Happened to me as a baby, I shat for days:(
Amphysvena 11
I like the fact that you decided somewhere between realizing you ate laxatives and making it to the bathroom, you thought it would be an awesome idea to take the time to find your laptop and bring it with you. I hope you crapped yourself on the way there. YDI.
daniel10309 0
well he could have a iPod or an itouch in order for him to post this also
Hi_Itz_Me 0
I keep my iPod in my pocket all the time. how do you know the OP didn't use one?
thecoolestever1 0
I scrolled down to the comments JUST to see if anybody was THAT stupid that they don't think of the possibility, "Maybe they're using an iPod." and now I'm pleased.
starberries 0
Why an iPod? They make smart phones these days, you know.
SpringDiver 6
U can post on FML by phone to
kathira120 3
Hahahaha i totallty agree with #6. YDI!
djbean09 0
umm most ppl nowadays have phones with interneyt access. my G1 has an app dedicated to FMLs.
cuterthanuthink 0
hey #8 mine too! ^^
freelantic 0
Karma's a bitch...
kitts 0
Damn..karma is an expedient bitch mwuahaha
martymcfly12 0
Hold on i have to take a dump but wait let me get my laptop FAKE
chellinha93 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... and HELLO people, there is many ways to get to fmylife not only by a laptop like #8 said, i have an app on my iphone too, and i walk everywhere with it...