Anonymous
Cochrane, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
myself
Seaside, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML
ilovesocks
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
meesmees
Severna Park, United States
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
sickened
Gateshead, United Kingdom
Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML
scarredforlife
Brooklyn, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML
PentiumBawls8
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML
gross
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Cheers, asshat
Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML
anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Not now
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML
totallyembarassed
Charlotte, United States
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
rxcrs3
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML
Top comments
lancesky 7
'Come on, it's a bargain! Only one previous owner!'
KiwiKitten 2
Hey he's gotta make money somehow!
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Comments (192)
KiwiKitten 2
Hey he's gotta make money somehow!
Webslinger66 10
I want to see the car-fax.... Warranty?
munkyjunkie 7
In my exerience i've found there are more refined ways of selling sperm. And condoms.
juliaispink 1
Now that's a salesman
juliaispink 1
Now that's a salesman
lonkite101 14
Where did noorFML go???
THE_A_TEEN 28
She's chained up in my basement.
mylifesucks_fml 1
It is magic! You put it on your finger and it'll turn your sperm into a baby! Ana's if you use it for your other "finger" you may be lucky enough to get an STD too!!!
ManInTheMachine 20
THE_A_TEEN: Wait...the birthday party was In your basement?? Damn, and here I was thinking it was in Noor's camper...Oh well. I WAS going to give her a special diarrhea monster cake--chocolate flavor, of course-- but if I don't make it, then more for me, I guess. *stifles sobs*
_Oblivion_ 12
These homeless men are becoming more and more like inventers from the early 1900's with the wierd shit
Mistermoomoocow 0
Effusion 77 you don't know shit bout the 90's ******
juliaispink 1
I think it's funny how I accidentally put that comment twice an one of them has +10 and the other -10!
MrStongray 2
Mixed emotions
42istheanswer 27
107- thats because its a double post, the second one usually gets thumbed down (unless people REALLY agree)
mmmPoptarts 6
How much was he charging? I'm interested...
polishperson5253 5
One man's trash is another man's treasure! Haha
mrszane93 5
That's ******* sick!
syley 5
I'd be tempted to give him a dollar (not buy the condom) for shear creativity.
drunkandfml 11
At least we was creative while describing the condom.
lancesky 7
'Come on, it's a bargain! Only one previous owner!'
YoungMisfit 9
Only 4 more to go, and you got a compleat set!
bitch_pleez 10
Well, did you buy it?
Rowdey 10
42 - *Cumplete
abbybailey204 19
Well, theoretically it only has 1 previous owner
Inheritance 10
Well used is always cheaper than new..
KiddNYC1O 22
Just show me the cumfax!
wenwenno 4
He must have fat fingers then.
bananagrams 9
Or a pencil dick
thischick1659 1
Or the people have a skinny dick
MrBrightside21 20
16 - Or not.
ddddddddg 9
16- "in Cleveland Browns voice" youa fourteen
onlychildFTW 34
Not necessarily. They make some tiny condoms. My ex gf had some and they were like xxxs. Those things were tiny. Haha.
egc573 40
That reminds me of the FML about the girl whose boyfriend's thing was so small that he needed a rubber band to secure the condom.
mrszane93 5
You know what they say about a guy with fat fingers ;)
brackaman 18
Wow 64... You just set yourself up for a myriad of easy jokes there.
onlychildFTW 34
70- haha no that's not why. She's my ex for being a creepy stalkerish girl who dumped me for another guy then a week later dumped him and wanted me back. Then she stalked me for about a year until she ended up moving away. Haha gotta love crazy girls. 78- I for got about that one. But yeah it must suck to have to use a rubber band to keep something stretchy on. 173-Oh well. It's FML, no big deal. Haha
egc573 40
179-Neither do I. It's probably something really unflattering, like...they don't often have sex because their fat fingers can't open a condom wrapper. (As an example, of course)
AllThatHit 7
they say "d-damn you g-got fat f-fingers". reference anyone?
onlychildFTW 34
Have no idea 194
SarcasticUnicorn 9
Take it. You never know when you'll get that offer again!
Queen_Cosmos 7
Who would want a used condom?
kooochris1995 14
It's called sarcasm.
SenselessPattern 12
He even has a name to help you out with the whole "Common figures of speech confuse me" syndrome that seem to afflict a tragic number of FML-ees.
Superstitious 6
...so does that mean that this magic, one-fingered glove I bought isn't magic at all?
Queen_Cosmos 7
32, 69 - I know he was being sarcastic, I'm not that dumb. My comment wasn't in response to 4's comment, I was just saying that in general who would buy a used condom? Especially from a homeless guy, it could have an STD or something. You're better off giving the dude some money and telling him to keep it.
random_jay 6
144- Log off the computer. Get up. Figure out how to use a sense of humor. Now come back and comment. You're welcome.
Queen_Cosmos 7
153- First of all not everything on FML has to be funny. Second, I'm sorry but I was just trying to clear things up because people were assuming I don't understand sarcasm.
fmlallthetyme 23
168 - That is because your comment was stupid, obvious, and unnecessary.
Queen_Cosmos 7
180- Well I'll agree with you there. Everyone has a stupid comment every now and then.
lonkite101 14
At least he tried!
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah because everyone needs a used condom. I don't even like touching my own after let alone some strangers that could have some problems. Haha.
MindFreakazoid 10
Ok people why are you thumbing this comment down? I thought it was funny :3
vucui 21
That is the most wondrous thing you could ever buy from a homeless guy, but I'm glad you turned him down.
Wreckless_fml 6
She never said she declined.
skyrimbaby 2
It never said it was a she.
Octain 13
Umm... On her post, in the right hand corner, there is the "female" symbol. Just Sayin'...
fhornbg 7
It's called the female symbol in the upper right corner ( or for the iOS device, at least)
Wreckless_fml 6
38 -trollface-
vucui 21
That's true, but one assumes she did.
bananagrams 9
Give him a break, he had to improvise because he ran out of scrap metal.
igive 29
so he saved a used condom?
Dadothy 8
No, it was a magic one-finger glove.
KitGrey 4
Guess you look desperate for children.
CountMango 5
Wat.
kewlkate 9
Yeah... It doesn't work that way.
Doortje 30
Where was this? I've been looking for a 'magic-one-finger-glove' for ages!
i_canlickmyelbow 3
Ontario. Good luck.
fuzzzy12 3
IT'S PETER PEDIGREW
PlayWithElmo 7
"Act now, and I'll throw in an STD free of charge!"