Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML
Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML
Shy boy
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
Running commentary
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
The kindness of strangers
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was, "God forbid a maxed-out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
Top comments
Johnnylittle 3
At least he was being honest
BRLHP 24
Going by your username, id assume you have been in a similar situation.
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Comments (151)
tjnaprincess 8
...whut the ***** is wrong with mah bwain...?
vanessuhm 15
If they're too big, won't they not work very well?
theten_fml 9
That's a very good question 33. would you like to help me find out?
domking1315 20
Okay at least spell "what" right...
RussianFox 13
Typical rush for first comment.
curlygirly1 8
Hes gay
onlychildFTW 34
100 - what do you mean by that? Are you being discriminatory? It sounds like it.
ASD_K 11
28- He must like big butts.
yabbadabbadooyah 12
Whenever people purposely spell easy works wrong it irks me. My friend, who is usually pretty good about punctuation and spelling has started using "wut". It makes me want to rip my hair out. So people, just spell it right if you know you can.
hatesfate 6
109 - wat? Y on erth duz ur fren due dat? -bald is beautiful-
ygdrassil 17
109 - So, hypothetically, if someone put a K in "words" rather than a D, it would annoy you?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I would love to know which mod edited that comment so I can give them a virtual hug.
PhishloverA 14
No #60, he should at least spell 'my' right
yabbadabbadooyah 12
123- I apologize for my typo, not exactly what I was saying annoys me.
Johnnylittle 3
At least he was being honest
BRLHP 24
Going by your username, id assume you have been in a similar situation.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
BAAH-HAH-HAA-HAAAA!!!
ScaughtieHolden 11
^ That was unnecessary, and shouldn't the FML be the other way around?
missababgaga 19
2 said exactly what I was thinking the moment I finished reading this one
RigPig 3
Johnnylittle, I hate you, solely based upon your profile picture and wigger attitude, dawg.
NuTrees 9
61- your petty. Let someone do what they want to do. Don't judge others. Keep who you hate to yourself- cause no one gives a **** about who or what you like.
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
RigPig, I hate you, solely based upon the fact that you're an asshole.
Drigr 9
FML... Home of the free, land of the... "you're different than me, I ******* hate you!"
BRLHP 24
I don't necessarily like number 2, if his profile picture describes his lifestyle. He is obviously using alcohol as a attempt to look cool, which obviously proves he is irresponsible. People like that drive drunk and kill people. But everyone makes their own lifestyle choices so do what you want number 2.
pxndiieinsanity 6
42-that pic. It goes so well with your comment. I'll show my way out.
Danny0522 8
^You say that after a bad pun or joke. That was not a joke. It was a mere observation. Your improper use of a statement that I don't even like annoys me.
smellymellyy 7
You can't assume that because this dude is trying to have 'swag' by posing with alcohol, that he kills people and drunk drives. That's a little thing called stereotyping, which makes you an asshole.
biggestfan23 11
Henny is a black person liquor, I respect it though
xcarxcrashx 9
So the moral is there are a ton of assholes here.
thefella 10
I like taking pictures drinking alcohol alone in my bathroom too, forget all the haters.
BRLHP 24
92, chances are he will get drunk and won't think straight. Which will lead to dumb choices. Even if he doesn't drink and drive he will probably do something stupid. That's not a stereotype that's an effect of alcohol.
asoptavlo14 6
At least #2 has a profile picture of himself "RigPig."
RigPig 3
You'd like that, wouldn't you little fella? Also, no need to put quotation marks around a username. It makes you look even more... Oh never mind, I don't wanna be rude.
kongor 1
"you're petty ... Dont judge others" well done sir
esines 9
92 - not everybody does stupid shit while drunk. I do, but I have friends who don't. And plus you can't tell me you never drink (if you're old enough?) but he does look like a douche still.
jbivens1992 17
love it...
HonestTruth 5
At least he was honest?
spaerro 8
How is your life ******? Someone has a smaller penis than you. :D
fishface517 10
*awkward moment* indeed!
Aug1508 9
Yes definitely sucks for him.
luvlifeyolo 1
Uhh... Ok.....
Popcornography 10
You must be twelve to have a name like that 64.
FangirlingAlways 14
#121 Don't say all 12 year olds do that. Most 10 year olds do, but I only know a few 12 year olds who say yolo and mean it.
auntiemomma 0
Yea your life is totally ****** from here on out.
Crlnprz 11
He's smart. Very smart damn that ************ I wish I was smart enough to buy condoms that are too big.
ImmaB3AST 7
Can't tell if sarcastic or...? No, but depending on how much bigger it is then it could be good. It's like buying shoes. If you can buy them bigger to look like you have bigger feet, do it. Same with condoms. As long as you can pull it off and not have it look all lose.
RochelleRedvines 8
#52 The story of your conception.
Octain 13
You just buy two boxes, your size and the largest, and switch the contents
alexh15 13
That's a small problem...
Sharpie23 7
I see what you did there.
BunchieRules 31
Yeah OP, it's not that big of a deal.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Jokes like these - maybe one day they will grow on me...
journeytotheend 16
Exactly what I would've said
Inheritance 10
Im picturing OP going home and making balloon animals out of these condoms; anyone else?
LonelyLoser93 3
OP isn't buying condoms.
MandyMeow_fml 18
I don't understand why he would buy them if they are not going to work right.. And then go out of his way to tell you about it.
Sharpie23 7
he bought bigger ones because he was insecure. I'm guessing he told her so that he return the large ones to the shelf and go get ones that fit.
onlychildFTW 34
Maybe he likes small penis humiliation? I've heard if stuff like this on the Internet. Kinda doesn't seem that awesome. But whatever floats your boat I guess.
kut17 11
Hence the FML.
jedielf 23
I think he might be buying them for someone else. When you're buying condoms, it really is best to keep to the polite smile/poker-face and stfu about it. The fact that you are buying them would be enough information for most cashiers and fellow shoppers within sight and earshot.
EyeLoveChicken 0
He more than likely isn't planning on using them...
Marineman5 6
Maybe he just grabbed the wrong size by accident.
cdelton22 3
Maybe theyre for his boyfriend with a huge dick
kongor 1
I thought it was insinuating gay sex. As in "they aint for me O_o"
sharod101 5
At the same though, who cares? I mean crazier shit happens working at these places.
KBeatz 5
Don't make it awkward; just help the guy out and provide him help with confidence!
keylimecat87 3
Yeah because that's in the job description...