Today, thinking maybe she could spare 5 minutes of her time and requires no work at all, I asked my wife for a handjob. She said no and told me I can “do it yourself.” FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said, "I know." FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, it's been exactly one year since I’ve had sex, and even that was because my wife caught me masturbating and helped me out with a zero effort handjob that was over in 15 seconds, since I’d already done 90% of the work. FML
Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
What kind of handjob takes no work? A lot of effort on her part and no payoff for her. It's the most bullshit of the sex moves, if it even counts as sex.
Nikki 17
Well, at least it will only take you 5 minutes and no work at all
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Comments (9)
JackWood 21
You shouldn't be so romantic. js
Hangryko 32
Wow, how did that not put her in the mood? *facepalm*
Nikki 17
Well, at least it will only take you 5 minutes and no work at all
RichardPencil 32
What kind of handjob takes no work? A lot of effort on her part and no payoff for her. It's the most bullshit of the sex moves, if it even counts as sex.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Yeah.... Son, I'm only gonna say this one time: You don't ask for sex. You seduce for it.
D J's MOM 17
wow.... such a romantic. she gets all the work and mess and you get to sit back and reap the benefits. I wonder why she said no? p.s. You're a Moron ydi
BurnInDemonFire 39
Everyone in the comments agrees with your wife. Go **** yourself.
mcsmee 8
Thanks for posting this. I showed it to my significant other last night, and this morning she woke me up with a handjob that included lots of massaging of the scrotum. She even played with my prostate, then insisted that I finish on her face..