Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML
Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML
Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat, and threw up on my checkout counter. FML
Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML
Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML
Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
"The power of Christ compels you bitch"
Meowingtons500 18
Look mommy! That man is giving free showers. Oh sweet Jesus! Honey, walk faster.
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Comments (95)
ICastillo 25
"The power of Christ compels you bitch"
Airman1988 9
It's refreshing to see a first comment that's actually funny, good job sir.
BRLHP 24
You ain't got no pancake mix!
CareFace 16
There ain't no pancake mix in there! Stop lying to these people!
sleepinginclass 8
I first read this as "compels you TO bitch", which still makes pretty good sense!
Goldenchest 14
What's a shite..?
AbbyAbyss 5
Aha, this comment brightened up my day. :)
mine_turtle 4
A "shite" is the British version for shit.
Storme 16
Actually, we still say 'shit' in Britain. 'Shite' is just a less extreme version of 'shit', like 'sheet' and 'S.ugar H.oney I.ce T.ea'. :P
xlord 27
Tell him to repent for being a bible bashing asshole.
aljen90 2
Tell him that people can believe what they want to, you can't drag them into the church like the extreme Catholics did during the dark ages
t765234 10
For some reason, I doubt reasoning and logic will go over very well with the crazy druken bum. I also doubt OP is in the mood to go back and talk to him.
br0ccoli 15
22- I second that!
grace12898 0
I consider myself a Christian and go to church regularly, but I agree that we aren't supposed to force you to repent or assume that god wants us to throw 'holy' water on people..... This guy is special breed of human that we all hope dies out soon
Meowingtons500 18
Look mommy! That man is giving free showers. Oh sweet Jesus! Honey, walk faster.
muzy 23
You should have played along and said "Prepare yourselves, the bells have tolled! Shelter your weak, your young and your old! Each of you shall pay the final sum! Cry for mercy; the reckoning has come!"
CaramelMacchiato 13
That's really creepy. But catchy. Still creepy, though.
p3mguin 7
Off the top of your head, no... That took about five minutes minimum to think of that
GotBrains 0
It's a quote from that movie I don't remember the name of..
trollfaced 2
There's a guy in San francisco who walks around the city holding a sign saying "Jesus loves you" and he throws words at you
yahoowizard 16
So he throws the sign at you =0?
MedKits 9
Throws words?
DCFan 9
Thro ws words.
Xythenol 6
Did you melt?
Shadow_Phantom 26
I'd say it's more of a FHL. Unless this happens often to you, which in case, is definitely a FYL. I'd personally laugh at him, and carry on.
vocaloidtiger 12
"And that's what you end up as when you drink, kids."
Mitcha857 0
Making kids into a liquid form to drink must be hard to do and probably doesn't taste too good.
brittanyayy 8
The comma helps prove that the kids are not what is being drunk...
Mitcha857 0
Yes I realize this. First time I read it I didn't see the comma. Apparently making kids into a liquid smoothie isn't funny.
Llamacod 11
well, have you yet?
luckyd880 12
Well that seems legit.