Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML
No one is safe
Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML
Invasion of the bodysnatchers
Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Parp Blarp Mall Carp
Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML
Here I go again
Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML
Oops.
Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML
Bad day, huh?
Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8-hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I'm now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML
Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for six hours. FML
Today, my first day on the job, I locked up the office after everyone left and set the alarm. An hour later, my new boss angrily emailed me that I locked him inside the building, setting off the alarm and prompting the entire police department to show up. FML
Top comments
grogers311 20
Bob & weave
chosha_fml 27
Might be time to invest in some Kevlar.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
grogers311 20
Bob & weave
foxwasalamb 24
serpentine serpentine!
aruam365 24
"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a bulle..." Oh, wait that's not how it goes.
Soviet_American 29
Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive, and... Dodge. The five D's!!
marcus369 9
Sorry to end it, but i love that thread
Brandi_Faith 34
12, cars reference. I got it anyways.
RedPillSucks 33
If it's Bob, he wont be wearin' no weave.
PsychoOtaku 7
Why did #12 get so many dislikes for the reference?
miliaras93 17
I swear , hasnt this one been posted before ?
WCARlover 35
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Quit your job before you get hurt
Arathis 19
Yes, because when you're faced with a problem you should just quit. That'll get you far in life.
WCARlover 35
I'm not a quitter and I could see how that sounds bad. But I was just saying if he was putting himself in an unreasonably dangerous position where he could get killed he shouldn't work there.
Rainhawk94 27
Tell that to the cops, soldiers, firefighters and all those risking their lives for us
Vitotaylor36 13
Yeah well some of us aren't exactly called to do that #31. We don't all have to put our lives on the line
trex454 21
as a security officer I agree with her. just quit. its not worth the risk when you make as much or less as a mc Donalds manager, have no power of authority, and usually no right to fight back.
GentlemanBastard 15
#49 is right. Security Officers usually have zero authority, and aren't allowed to even stop obvious thieves and the like. I was trained, when witnessing a theft, to say nothing, do not attempt to stop them, and call the police. I'm sure the same goes for getting shot at. OP almost certainly doesn't make enough to put up with that nonsense.
soulreaper12296 28
That's their choice, they knew they would go somewhere dangerous. He didn't find out till afterwards that he would be somewhere dangerous. Big difference.
thisplacesucks93 2
We fight for a good cause getting killed over someone else's shit is not a good cause
Shade1982 21
'We fight for a good cause'? Really? Because I sure as hell lost some good colleagues and friends over some of the most pointless issues ever in the military. And they were over someone else's shit (Yugo).
noynek97 10
When you take a dangerous job, expect dangerous situations. He needs to be willing to lay down his life for it. It's what he agreed to when he excepted the job.
captainclutch96 3
I just wanted to be the first to say RIP in advance
GentlemanBastard 15
Sorry you got downvoted, that was pretty funny
Erery 16
That's a ****** up thing to say FYL
GentlemanBastard 15
Oh, lighten up. It's FML, we're supposed to laugh at these posts, not fear for everyone's safety. If OP is really scared, he will talk to his boss or someone. I'm sure this was posted for some laughs and some off-color jokes. So many people on here turn this place into a big pity party, and take everything so seriously.
zechrocks 6
I don't think you understand the point of FML...
kost4060 14
Or #77 they're really just attention seeking ****** who want sympathy from everyone to make themselves feel better about themselves
chosha_fml 27
Might be time to invest in some Kevlar.
Steephx0 23
They wouldn't send you there if they didn't think you were ready, OP. Good luck.
TheDevilWearsJoe 8
You never know. Some asshat couldn't care less. Not that these represent the majority but idiots exist, even in positions of power.
crazytwinsmom 25
Maybe OP lied about experience just to get the job.
trex454 21
hahahahaha. they don't give a shit. my "training" for security was an online multiple choice test where they gave you the answer then asked the question.
drowningfishy 7
From a CA security guard-Not true.
slyde32 12
yeah, I had a three week course for security, no online stuff, no multiple choice questions. I still wouldn't agree to go into an area like that un armed, or without back up.
ILookAtFMLs 13
#32 especially in positions of power*
IvyOswin 17
It can't always be crazy bag ladies and shoplifting teenagers, that would get boring!
botanistjessica 24
I don't think it's legal for them not to tell you the exact job description, including location. Are you sure you didn't overlook it in the paperwork?
LowExpectations 30
I think any place where you work as security guard there is the inherent risk of bodily harm. I'm sure OP signed a form that absolved his employer of any liability.
xSavaqee 12
I use to work as a security officer. I never got a liability paper to sign or nothing of the sort.
LowExpectations 30
For my job I had to. Guess my employer has better lawyers ha ha.
cjlerch 29
There's a "dodged a bullet" joke somewhere in there..
redstone7693 29
Well, shit. Let's hope for the best that nothing crazy happens! Stay Safe man.