Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML
Today, I walked out to the parking lot and caught a homeless man laying a fat steamer on the hood of my car. FML
Today, a hobo threw up on my car while at a red light. He then asked me for money. FML
Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML
Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML
Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML
Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML
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Top comments
crumsnatcha 4
At least you weren't riding a motorcycle.
MoonyIce 0
Aaaand that. That there is one of the funniest things I've read all damn day. Thank you.
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Comments (161)
enders98 0
I am not first!
dcait_1196 0
That is such a touching story *tear rolls down cheek* Bravo, bravo young fellow.
redbluegreen 41
Exactly. The OP came first. We'll never win.
midget_chinese 0
i see wut you did thar
possumisawesome 0
"Praise the Lord! This shit's not mine no more!"
godsrightnutsack 0
haha...wtf?
FarSide 23
I want to know why you looked in the bag.
Pandasaur 0
The crap probably came out of the bag.
Ducki3 0
o wow! u don't say... of course it came out of the bag!
Pandasaur 0
Someone was asking why OP looked into the bag. I was just saying that since the crap probably came out of the bag, OP didn't need to look in it. Read before you're randomly rude. Thanks. :]
jackkerouc9 0
what if it was a clear bag? and leave it to evangelics to go the extra mile and spew actual crap along with the rest of the horseshit they are selling.
Nex_Iuguolo 0
That's Christians for you.
emilysanftwsom 0
That's a generalisation, not all Christians are douches. I'm a Christian and know many other Christians, who are not douches. Think before you're religiously intolerant =)
teamhat 0
the guy above me ,#98, is right. not all Christians are homeless hobos who throw their crap at people's cars.
SpaztastiC4 0
yes, but if you're christian its not poop, its concentrated evil
Reyo 2
And you didn't put it in park, get out of the car, and kick his ass?
ryguy997 0
holy crap (no pun intended) that's funny
baby_gore 0
hum I think that's a chick..? idk
Justine94_x 31
This is one of the few fmls that actually made me laugh.:')
heyitsdiamond 5
Um ya you are
plexico 4
Holy shit!
fmljw 2
hahahahaha
Pandasaur 0
He's homeless! He has to go somewhere. Not sure why he'd save it, but to each his own, I suppose... (Aw, sorry, the site's being weird. There was totally a different comment here a second ago. I swear I'm not crazy and irrelevant.)
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
damn you, plexi! I was gonna use that! Great minds think alike, blah, blah, blah...
ohmanz 0
well said plexico
IMTHEGREATEST 0
atheists can be assholes too
freddyisepic 2
haha balls to u
Shannonnicole 0
hahaha wow. FIRST
_THE_MASTER_ 0
hahaha wow. FAIL.
kevick93 0
lolllll
irokyoursox 6
44 you beat me to it
pinktiger 0
hey, at least you can wash your car!!!
PostBlue 0
awww man! i wanted to be first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SoSoRachel 7
:l
Lolzarz 0
lol how random is that
redbluegreen 41
Pretty random shit.
LegndNikko 0
Literally.
FMLolYDi 4
#31 win
lahp 0
seeeee you should of just hit the hobo :)
Zakistan 0
Then you have poo AND hobo guts all over the car.... bad combination... also the bum would probably shit everywhere when you hit him...
calo97 0
Should have*
mrdecay 3
just lol.
MoonyIce 0
Aaaand that. That there is one of the funniest things I've read all damn day. Thank you.
geppy 0
Proof that Christians are assholes.