Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML
Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML
Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat, and threw up on my checkout counter. FML
Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML
Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML
Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
"The power of Christ compels you bitch"
Meowingtons500 18
Look mommy! That man is giving free showers. Oh sweet Jesus! Honey, walk faster.
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Comments (95)
ChickInGreenVans 12
Keep your composure guys.. No need for being harsh now.. Now pack away those boxing gloves**
perdix 31
You had us all fooled that you were this Goody Two Shoes, and you're just mad that this prophet outed you as the "evil shite" you truly are! Now, clean up your act and maybe you can walk around in a sammich board.
ImTheAlpha 30
Hah, I had some dude decked out in crosses chasing me around the mall screaming about how "the power of Christ compels me".
charlesPscene 4
YDI for being an evil shite. Jk, FYL op
skyeyez9 25
Sounds like something the Westboro Baptist church in Kansas would do. That church is full of hateful assholes who ridicule everybody and protest at funerals.
OMGMAN84 0
Lol that "holy water" may have been pee :P lol ...I dont envy you
Cinderella_Man 10
You should have thrown a pint of Bitters on him, saying it's what the flying spaghetti monster would have wanted. Erm wait, that would have been a waste of good Ale. Better to just get besotted and puke on him!
BTR_lover 1
I can't stand "Christians" like that. They're a disgrace to our religion. Religion isn't just something you can throw upon someone, it's free will. I don't think you deserve this at all.
BobbyBoss 10
Agreed 100%.
yourafool 0
I'm pretty sure that's from monty python and the holy grail
fmlmaymay 0
This is why I'm atheist
ebonyirony 29
Yeah it makes you immune to that stuff.
gracehi 33
Yes, because the actions of a lunatic are a great reason to be an atheist. Who needs personal convictions? After all, everyone knows that atheists are immune to insanity, while all Christians are raving lunatics.