Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML
Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML
Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat, and threw up on my checkout counter. FML
Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML
Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML
Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ICastillo 25
"The power of Christ compels you bitch"
Meowingtons500 18
Look mommy! That man is giving free showers. Oh sweet Jesus! Honey, walk faster.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
BobbieH 19
Well, did you repent you evil shite?! FYL, drunk is just an excuse to mask the crazy!
kthsdm 12
You should have looked him dead in the eye and said in a low, deep monotone "Thou art dare preach to me Mortal? I'm Lucifer, your soul was sold the moment the poison nectar touched your lips. Kneel cur before me or you shall perish for eternity for your insolence! ' and you will be having him protracted and kissing the ground you step on.
nicolasvasquez_ 6
To make holy water, you boil the hell out of it :)
darkenedone 27
Well then maybe you should repent! You evil shite...
GUNN1313 3
Evil Pagan shite and proud
HerrBawl 4
And did you repent?
kalbrek009 20
Lucky for you it wasn't "holy urine" or holy shite..still you should have told him to repent for being a "false prophet" & spit in his face with your "holy saliva".
br0ccoli 15
Why can't we just love each other? It's what Jesus would have wanted.
br0ccoli 15
3- raptor Jesus must be who they're following because I don't recall Jesus ever forcing people against their free agency to believe in something they don't. And for that matter, Jesus was the perfect human and yet he never finger pointed at how big of a sinner other people are. I guess some sinners have a superiority complex and think they can bully and stalk their way towards salvation. OP, you should pray for that man. It has been, and always will be about LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.
zuzupetalsYO 11
I wish I could favorite this comment.